Hi, my name is Hänni.
I am irreconcilably bitchy.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m listening to a lot of screamo lately, or if the sugar-free/wheat-free/dairy-free lifestyle is going to my head, but damn! The littlest shit is setting me off.
Today the cornucopia of my wrath is teaming with the yams and maize of my repulsion towards online gaming.
If you’re hardxcore into Internet role playing, you probably won’t like what I have to say ….And you’re probably 36, living at home, wondering what a real booby feels like.
For the record, I hear they feel like jello. In my case they just feel like small.
But anyway, the dudes at my work are obsessed with this war-themed computer game. They talk about it all.day.long. I don’t think my cubiclemates can go one mother-lovin’ afternoon without saying something about snipers or maps or killing virtual villains.
This is disturbing.
Especially when you hear a grown man shout, “You shot my privates!” from the confines of his cubicle.
…Perhaps the only thing more disturbing than this geekspeak is my coworker Buddy’s frequent shouts of “fire in the hole!” More jarring than this announcement is the blast of stench that proceeds it … but that’s a different story for a different day.
But anyway, yeah. I can’t stand games. And every day, as work is winding down, a gaggle of geeks starts playing them. And it’s not like they’re discreet about it. No, they gotta have their speakers on full-effing-blast so as to flood my space with the annoying sounds of digital gun fire.
And then there’s the swearing. Something happens when otherwise decent men flip the switch on this role playing shit. Everything out of their mouth is “eff this, eff that, eff YOU!”
It’s excessive. And I worry that they’re using up the world’s supply of “eff.” I’d hate to be the one to tell the Osbournes “No more ‘eff’ for you. These geeks in a cube farm in Florida have used it all up.”
And my co-workers just don’t understand why I won’t join the gaming nerdherd. “It’s so much fun,” they say.
Yeah. I bet. I’m sure it’s just as fun as that time in junior high when my best friend told our lunch table I had chronic halitosis. Everybody laughed at me. And then I developed a complex.
Games are for nerds.
AI Cocktail Countdown update: The Internet has spoken. Carmel Coke is out. If that was your favorite, too bad. Keep voting. We’ll knock one more off next Monday.