My First Time

April 30th, 2006

I was 19 that summer. The city—like its inhabitants—was sweltering hot.

Beautiful 20-somethings poured like water from subways onto street corners and into restaurants and bars and old buildings. An urban pheromone factory, sex oozed from these golden gods as beads of perspiration gathered on breastbones and thighs hidden beneath stylish suits.

We were young. We were eager. We had (most of us) come to intern in the greatest political city in the world.

Washington D.C. was a far cry from Wasilla, Alaska where I grew up. Back home, under my parents’ watchful gaze, I’d lived the kind of churchly, modest life that is the hallmark of rural America. I won’t bore you with details, but I will say that my landlocked upbringing played a major role in the delay…

It was embarrassing. Most girls—by the time they are 17 or 18—have done it. And I suspect that in certain places, like California for example, girls probably start doing it at 10 or 11.

That summer—the one I spent in the city—I was almost 20 and I felt a dire sense of urgency.

My intern group was scheduled for a weekend trip to Rehoboth Beach at the end of July. On this trip there would be no parental supervision. There would, however, be dozens of sexy co-eds wearing next-to-nothing. And they’d be slathering lotions and flirting and frolicking. The only thing hotter than these beachside babes would be the sun under which they’d bake.

It was for this trip, that I wanted to be prepared.

The week before Rehoboth, I stopped into J.’s. I’d been there before, but this time was different. I was nervous. And I think he knew that. A handsome boy, when he looked into my frightened eyes and asked if he could help me, I said yes.

That day, in some cluttered part of the city, I passed through a proverbial gauntlet of maidenhood.

With my breasts cupped in a J. Crew top (75% off!) selected by a sales dude with my specifications, I was glad I’d finally done it.

I’d finally … for the first time … worn a bikini.

And shortly after my first time wearing a bikini, I experienced the first time wearing a bikini whilst throwing up in a children’s pool in Rehoboth. But that’s a whole nother story.

Til next dear hannihaus readers, adieu.
Did my story get you all hot and bothered? How about you vote for a nice, refreshing drink? AI Cocktail Countdown in the sidebar. Next one gets kicked off tomorrow!

P.S. Maaa I’m sorry if I gave you a heart attack with this one.

16 Haus Calls for “My First Time”

  1. Cze-Johnson Carrie Says:

    cute story, Hänni-cakes!

    Mind recounting this story in oh… about another 18 years when we finally let RHENA wear a bikini? Then again… never mind… Troy’s been muttering something about keeping her locked up til about 30 or so. ;)


  2. spanky Says:

    hey hans! dork!! you were way behind schedule! paige wore her first bikini at 8 months and lilly just the other day at 9 months.. hahaha
    you make me laugh big sis!

  3. Half a Beaner Says:

    Very nice, very nice try indeed. However, anyone who has been reading your blog for some time (or plowing through the archive like an addict or a stalker) will know that you are much too modest and sweet to post a story about THE first time. Anyhow, bravo! I barely manage the courage to get into the dreaded one-piece.

  4. Smug Ellie Says:

    heh. i know about the first time my darling hans…

    speaking of, i am reminded of when a certain someone physically threw you out of our room while we were studying for a dr. tim exam in order to get some “first time” from me. little did he know that i was wearing pants of steel and my love for you and math would keep him begging for years before he (n)ever got any…

    and THAT, my dear, is how i avoided hepatitis.

    the answer is 42!

  5. FancyPants Says:

    Yea, you didn’t fool me either Hänni. I’ve become to accustomed to your trickery, so I knew there was a catch as soon as I read the headline. Maybe one day you will surprise us all since we will be off guard.

    Anyhow, I can understand the sales guy’s pain. I too sold bikinis to young ladies in the surf shop for 3 years. I am the only dude I know who knows his bikini cuts inside out and how to properly fold and hang them. (Did you know you should NEVER sit with your feet in the pool in one?) In fact I often catch myself naming brands when I see girls running around in them. Too sad…

  6. ScottyGee Says:

    Nice try. Now Angelface needs to tell us all about his firwt time wearing a Speedo. No pictures please.

  7. Amber Says:

    I don’t know who convinced us girls the wearing one was SUCH a big deal. Once I was in Hawaii in the hot hot sun I knew I could never wear anything bigger. I figure if the people on the beach can’t handle my large wobbly white-ass body then that’s totally their problem.

    Now in the Pool in Anchorage during water aerobics while pregnant - THAT’S an entirely different animal! Too much bouncing in a bikini! LOL! (Just trying to give you another boob visual. I know how you like them.)

  8. the village idiot Says:

    The first time for what? Why was everyone saying you didn’t trick them? Trick them about what? What’s special about the first time? Should I get a bikini to find out? I suspect that there’s something going on here that I don’t know about. Wah!

    ps- i voted for the lobster again.

  9. kerri Says:

    Girl, you crack me up. Silly sillyness, which I, of course, love. : ) I love my 70% off JCrew bikini!

  10. Manuel Says:

    Is your drink not winning the poll and you’re out of votes? Today is the last day!

    Click here to buy a vote into the poll to keep your drink on for another week!

    Don’t let your drink get kicked like Pickler! Click here to vote now!

  11. gary Says:

    That was cute. I was beginning to wonder how hubby was going to like this one. But I had a suspicion you were going to pull a Hanni on me and you did. :)

  12. Christoph Says:

    Well damn! I threw up the first time I wore a bikini too!

    4 in the kooch and like 10 clicks on Christoph’s French 75 would be nice - it’ll really eff Hännibus up. Cognac peeps!

  13. Manuel Says:

    RE: Teri Hatcher Eat Your Heart Out

    She alluded to it tonight by saying she got hot sauce in her eye… that’s what a vinegar-based astringent will do to ya. Huzzah!

    Don’t Forget To Vote! Hänni hasn’t voted one off yet…

    (It’s for a worthy cause)

  14. Amanda B. Says:

    Gah! You tricked me!

    I was getting all ready to say, me too- I was 19!

    But of course I won’t say that since you were referring to swimwear.

  15. stampydurst Says:

    Hanni, hanni, hanni…how much would it take for Smug Elle to spill the beans? And would she mind if I named Volume 1 of my tell-all autobiography “And That, My Dear, Is How I Avoided Hepatitis”?

    p.s. I am voting for Jack Off. Nothing beats you about the head with a hangover like Jack Daniels.

  16. Hänni Says:

    D’ah, you’re all so funny!

    Stampy - In answer to your question, Smug Elle is a cheap date. Give her a pack of smokes and some Taco Bell gorditas and she’ll talk your ear off. Be advised however, she may require you to wear panties on your head whilst delving into her discussion.

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