Planet of The Gapes

February 23rd, 2006

I don’t get it. You’ve got fame. You’ve got money. You’ve got a stylist who does all your fitting and primping…

And yet, during an appearance on national TV, you still manage to look like Cornelius from Planet of the Apes.

Paula Abdul, for displaying the best helmet hair this side of Chewbacca’s Wookieefied forehead, we salute you:

For all the Idol fans at the haus: straight up now tell me, Paula *did not* look like a hot mess Tuesday night.

I mean, I’ve seen better hair on Don King … and that’s not sayin’ much.

Although her public appearance was entirely frightening, I guess Paula needn’t worry too much. After all, not *everyone* in America watches her show. I’m pretty sure my grandma doesn’t peep the ‘Idol…

But guess what? Everyone else does! Yeah 30 million people witnessed the Hairdo O’ Horrors.

…And then we went online and blogged about it –just to keep grandma in the loop, of course. Heh.

Thanks Manuel for the Paula pic

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19 Haus Calls for “Planet of The Gapes”

  1. Dima Says:

    What an insult to apes!

  2. ScottyGee Says:

    It gives a new meaning to Monkey Love. Straight up, I’d still jump Paula. After we were done though I’d yell “Get your hands off me you damn dirty ape!”

  3. Anna Says:

    I thought it was just me!! She looked horrible. Thanks, Hanni!!

  4. gary Says:

    Have you noticed how she swoons over the young guys. Maybe she’s going with that hairdo because she thinks it makes her look younger. Maybe you should have a contest to name the date we find out that she’s hooked up with another of those young dudes.

  5. Hänni Says:

    Dima - What an insult to my eyes having to look at that horrendous hairstyle!

    ScottyGee - Talk about monkey business! That’s just wrong.

    Anna - No, I think 30 million viewers probably had the same thoughts on the horrordo.

    gary - Yes I’ve noticed she is a skeezy cheeser anytime someone under the age of 20 hits the stage. I think I like your idea for that contest… Stay tuned.

  6. Sassy8877 Says:

    I was commenting the exact same thing … it was seriously the peak in the middle that got me, with some sort of weird *cow lick* going on.

  7. mrtl Says:

    Oh sistah - I love your mad graphic skilz! Mister mrtl had plenty to say about Paula’s do, but the “She is so off the drugs” comments overrode it.

  8. Erin Says:

    This morning (when I was skipping out on work) the roommate and I were watching American Idol on the old DVR and we both were having fits over Paula’s hair. But (as the gay munchkin host pointed out) the show’s stylist also allows Simon to wear v-neck sweaters without undershirts while also permiting Paula to be on live televisions after doing lines in the bathroom (which is the only explanation for her being so weirderiffic).

  9. mrtl Says:

    Update from the mister after mentioning this to him… He thought Paula looked more like Eddie Munster.

  10. Sassy8877 Says:

    And what was up with her helmet head on BOTH the men’s and women’s nights? I mean after one taping didn’t SOMEONE step in and stop this madness!

    I tried clicking stop before this post - so sorry if it doubles! But one quick thing … you know the chick that got dumped off right? She and her twin sister took pictures for Maxim online about 4 months ago … pretty steamy! Oh and lots of sweat drips and such.

  11. Hänni Says:

    mrtl - I agree with mister mrtl. Paula was positively… somewhat… maybe just a little… coherent that night.

    Erin - Yeah Ryan made a good call on the Simon v-neck sitch. For any of my readers out there who are considering wearing a skin-tight v-neck without the aid of an undershirt, this is a *BAD* idea.

    Sassy8877 - Funny you mentioned Becca. Hannihaus reader, , not two days ago, told me he loved the twin, Becky b/c she was “hot and trashy.” He couldn’t wait for her no-talent ass to get kicked off, b/c (he bet) she’d end up in playboy doing dirty things with her twin. And then yesterday, he sent me a link to this.
    And his wildest dreams came true.

  12. divinecalm Says:

    I sooooo agree. Tell it like it is, sista. Um-mmm.

  13. gary Says:

    Thanks for the O’Donohue update. I was wondering what the references last night to her modeling career were all about.

  14. Breckan the law Says:

    Maybe she reads your blog, Hanni…her hair looked better last night. Perhaps commenting on Mariah will spark the pseudo pop star to enroll at 24 hour fitness?

  15. wordgirl Says:

    Paula’s hair? Feh! What bugs me most about her is the way she does this strange Nora Desmond hand-waving thing (accompanied by swaying) when a guy sings. Then she gets this faraway look in her eyes like she’s either falling desperately in love or she’s having an acid flashback. Why? Why does she do this?

  16. Manuel Says:

    Have a great vacation! We’ll miss you next week…

  17. url Says:

    Itinerary, please

  18. Orangepaas Says:

    Y’know, it wasn’t just the hair…I think she was seriously stoned (or had just had botox done), she was incapable of more than one facial expression. The stoned kind.

  19. william Says:

    Corneilius. That is classic.

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