Of Tights And Men

April 2nd, 2006

Now that I live in Florida, I rarely wear hosiery.  Instead I slather bronzer on my cankles and call it good.  Because it’s always so effing hot here, most people do likewise.

Imagine my surprise then, when I walked into a party and the vast majority of attendees were wearing tights… and they were men.

Yesterday Angelface and I attended our first ever renaissance-themed wedding.  Although we were encouraged to, Angel and I did *not* dress the part.  Angel wore a suit and I wore Cheetah Chic, the Sexiest Little Cocktail Dress…EVER.

When you’re wearing the Sexiest Little Cocktail Dress…EVER, you need fantastic hair to match.  I told Angel I was going to try a faux hawk.  When questioned as to what a faux hawk was, I explained it’s like a mohawk in the front with a ponytail in the back.  Angel, eyebrows raised, said, “Alright baby, but if you faux hawk it up, you won’t have time to fix it.”

Heh.  He said “faux hawk it up.”

The only thing funnier than the fact that I am (apparently) married to a comedian, was a sign I saw during the two-hour drive to the wedding site.  Forced to travel country roads, I laughed at a backwoods billboard that said Pray for teachers, in Jesus’ name.  I’m not sure why they needed to specify the Jesus thing, except it would be real bad if someone prayed in the name of Paris Hilton and instead of eternal salvation they got herpes.

But anyway, the wedding was lovely.  The bride arrived in a horse drawn carriage and her 14 attendants were all beautiful.  The reception was great too.  At some point, my inhibitions lowered by much merry making (re: alcohol), I decided that this would be an attractive pose:


And I also thought it acceptable, nay crucial, that I freak dance with some random chick dressed like She-Ra.  Boy am I glad someone thought to capture that moment.


After the wedding, the trip home went really fast.  Mostly because I was passed out drunk in the passenger seat for two hours.  Angel told me later I woke up once when he asked me for toll money.  Apparently I yelled at him and threw my purse.  It’s good to know, even when I’m inebriated, I still act like my usual self.

And with that, this recap is done.  I’m off to sleep and drink fluids.

Til next, dear hannihaus readers, adieu.

13 Haus Calls for “Of Tights And Men”

  1. Dima Says:

    Themed weddings just never made sense to me. Someone yesterday was telling me about a Prom-themed wedding. I mean, you know, the more I hear stories like that, the more eloping sounds like a great idea. The only theme I can handle is a destination wedding.

    I think AngelFace should’ve dressed like Tarzan. Bring your own theme to the wedding!

  2. mrtl Says:

    Was Robin Hood there?

  3. smug ellie Says:

    how queer. and i’m not talking queer as in “queer nation.” i mean queer like nancy drew means queer. and when nancy drew talks of queer happenings, she’s talking about some craaaazy stuff. sans her racism, nancy is my hero, but hey–she WAS created in ‘33. tangent over, i’m out. cheers best (and clumsiest) roommate!

  4. Erin Mc Says:

    I want a pirate themed wedding on a ship. Probably won’t happen, but it’s a nice thought.

    I really like your dress. Good choice over renaissance duds.

  5. Gwen Says:

    That’s a fabulous dress, you look hot! I’ll be honest theme weddings scare me…

  6. Cze-Johnson Carrie Says:

    isn’t that chick the singer from ABBA??? I woulda got freaky with her, too! Mamma Mia!

    anyways… as always… you look FABULOUS.


  7. Hänni Says:

    Dima - Prom-themed wedding? That’s a new one. Knowing me, I’d ruin the whole thing by showing up covered in pigs blood ala Carrie.

    Mrtl - Didn’t see Robin Hood. But the paster was dressed like Friar Tuck and the DJ was, I think supposed to look like a minstrel. His black cloak, however, made him look more like the grim reaper. Kind of ominous for a wedding, but whatev.

    smug ellie - Yeah it wasn’t “queer” like “queer nation” at all. No gay man would make the fashion faux pas of appearing in public wearing women’s pantyhose… unless he was a drag queen or something.

    Erin MC- If you did it pirate-style what would the pastor say during the ceramony? “Do ye take this lusty wench t’be yer lawf’ly wedded waiiife?” For you Erin, so you can find your pirate: Pirate Pick Up Lines

    Gwen - Dude thanks! And yeah, i’m not a fan of the themeage myself, but I think they pulled it off quite nice.

    Cze-Johnson Carrie - Is she the singer from ABBA? No wonder the woman kept requesting “Dancing Queen.” And thanks for the capitalized FABULOUS. That means i’m *super* fab, right? xoxo to you too!

  8. Amber Says:

    Was Meryl Streep a good dancer? My She-Ra Dancing fantasy has just morphed into a “Postcards from Etheria who wear prada” dream.

  9. Erin Mc Says:

    I just wanted to let you know that the website you gave me was probably the best gift I have got in a long time. It shivered me timbers!

  10. gary Says:

    Be careful Hanni. If i were you I would be suspicious of any man who wakes you up for money.
    I’d be doubly suspicious, though, if he was wearing tights.

  11. Amanda B Says:

    You are awesome.

  12. Hänni Says:

    Amber - Yeah, Meryl Streep really broke it down… I think. Heh.

    gary - LOL!

    Amanda - As are you doll.

  13. spanky Says:

    hey hans you look so trashed in that pic! never seen you that way.. :-) it’s pretty funny. oh ya guess what! i got the internet so i can actually read my dear sisters website. gotta go paige is being a wierdo as usual.

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