Killing Me Softly

April 23rd, 2006

Lately, I’ve been having a hard time getting some quality shut-eye. It might be related to the fact that I’m facing some pretty heady challenges both at work and in my personal life.

Most likely though, I can’t get any rest because my kittens are trying to kill me in my sleep.

Witness the horror that is Stinky Sphynxy trying to astinkysphynxiate mommy by pushing his chunky-ass body up against my windpipe. Meanwhile, his partner-in-crime, Bella Donna Bad Girl does her best Beelzebub impression:

bad_cats.jpgRight: Stinky Sphynxy feigns innocence, “I’m just feeling up mommy’s boobs” he says. This story does not hold, mostly because mommy doesn’t have any boobs. Left: Bella Donna Bad Girl enjoys fava beans and a nice chianti with her organic kibble. Center: Smiley face hides boobs mommy doesn’t have.

And Frankly I’m shocked at the amount off effort that’s gone into killing me. I mean if Sphynx *really* wanted to hurt me,he’d make sure I was standing downwind after mealtime. Now that’s pure torture.

But I digress.
Did you vote today in the AI Cocktail Countdown? Don’t make me send my catsassins after you. They’ll break your kneecaps.

10 Haus Calls for “Killing Me Softly”

  1. Mr. Lover Says:

    Haha, very nice…

    Even so, can I get the original?

  2. Hänni Says:

    Mr Lover - Ha ha.  What a pervert.  You just wanna see Bella without her bowtie.

  3. Manuel Says:

    I know a certain Señor Don Gato who would appreciate that… He just loves Bella btw… Keep up the good work, you two!

  4. gary Says:

    The best thing to do is just adjust your schedule so that you sleep when the cats are asleep.

  5. Dima Says:

    Gary, have you heard of cat naps? There’s a reason they’re called that!

  6. Christoph Says:

    There was a story on the news about 2 or 3 weeks ago about a lady who passed out for like 8 hours and her cats ate a lot of her exposed flesh. Although, they didn’t say if she was topless.

    I see London. I see Nepal. I see a smiley face covering Hänni’s Nipple!

    4 in the kooch and 5 or 6 in the bad place!

  7. Hänni Says:

    Manuel - Bella loves Senor Don Gato right back b/c Senor Don Gato was a cat, on a high red roof Don Gato sat…

    gary - Yeah that sounds good. The only problem is, I read somewhere cats sleep an average of 22 hours per day. If I slept 22 hours you might have to worry - in humans this type of behavior is usually called being in a coma.

    Dima - So are you saying I should start taking 15 minute naps all day? I could do that. Now the wakeup routine wherein I stretch my little fury legs, yawn and then start licking my groin, well I don’t know how that will work. I’m not very flexible.

    Christoph - Dizzamn! I wonder if she tasted like chicken. Ewww.

  8. Phineahs Gray Says:

    Maybe you can start sleeping on them? You know, show ‘em how it feels!

  9. kerri Says:

    I love the innocent, “What? I’m not doing anything except maybe squishing your boob” look your kitties have perfected.

  10. ScottyGee Says:

    Damn. I can’t believe the special edition of Hanni’s Sideboob Theatre was edited for television.

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