Recently I joined a fertility forum online. It’s not because Angelface and I are TTC (trying to conceive), as we say in the forum. Far from it, Angel and I have our hands full with a) each other (we’re both just big kids), and b) Bella Donna Bad Girl (the naughtiest kitty on the East coast.)
No this forum thing, I felt compelled to join because I am quasi-crunchy, and maybe getting crunchier all the time. As a result of my earth-mama/uber-conscientous/organically-infused lifestyle, I am interested in all sorts of seemingly strange things, including learning about the intricate and wondrous workings of my female body. - Hey that sounds like a line from one of those “change of life” videos we watched in the fifth grade! Forget about writing software docs, maybe I should write puberty videos! I think I’ve found my calling”
In any event, as a result of my newfound body awareness, I’ve been noticing things: Recently I’ve noticed something very interesting about myself. I am a lopsided sweater. No, not the sweater that granny knits you each year for Christmas - sweater as in “sweat-er”. I’m talking perspiration here folks.
Just as some girls have lopsided boobahs where one is bigger than the other, I have lopsided sweatiness. I’ve discovered that after running a few miles, the left side of my body is sweatier than the right. And it’s not just a little sweatier, it’s markedly sweatier. I mean after a good sweaty 3 mile run, you could swim in my left arm pit. The right, however, boasts merely a shallow puddle of perspiration.
And I wonder why I’m so disproportionate in my dankness. But actually I don’t worry about it at all. I know that there are some mysteries that may never be resolved. Take, for instance, the fact that Paris my-talent-is-being-rich Hilton is, inexplicably, “acting” in movies, or that Michael Jackson’s courthouse couture alternates between pajamas and british-style regal wear.
Yes I’m a sweater. Yes I am proud. And yes, I must stop blogging so I can do my pilates now in order to generate the body funk I have described above. Til next, adieu!