Football Follies

February 9th, 2006

A few weeks ago, in an effort to really rock this blog (as per my resolution), I announced that I would start talking about new topics here at the haus. While I am not ready to discuss Karen, my hemorrhoid, I am interested in working a little sports spielage into the discussion.

Now I don’t know a damn thing about sports, but fortunately for you, being ignorant about something has never kept me from commenting… or accordingly, looking like a giant jackass while doing so, but I digress.

Anyway, in previous posts we learned that the driving range is dangerous (re: divot stick + no skillz = armbone injury), and that the best thing about basketball is the buns (and arguably, after having seen pics of SORM in spandex, the same could probably be said for baseball … but let’s not get off topic.)

So yeah, golf and basketball – I’m not so good with that. But what about football? Because I’m a Virginia Tech alumni, (go hokies!), who had stadium seats for every game Michael Vick played in Lane Stadium, well I must know something about football, right?


The other day, I tried to have a conversation with Angelface about the Super Bowl. It didn’t work out too well, mostly because I was referring to the game as “The Finale.”


Hänni: “On Sunday, what did you think of The Finale?”

Angelface (blank stare): …

Never one to give up, I also tried to get Angel talking about the referees that have Seahawk fans up in arms. Again, the conversation flopped, likely because I referred to the men who’d made the questionable calls as “judges.”


Hänni (trying again): So I heard the judges may have been unfair to the west coast team.

Angel (blank stare): …

So, being that my foray into football talk wasn’t entirely successful, I thought it best to stop at two attempts. After all, you know what they say: it’s one – two – three strikes you’re out at the old ba- …

Wait. That’s the wrong sport, isn’t it?

Aye carumba.

14 Haus Calls for “Football Follies”

  1. ScottyGee Says:

    Just study up on hockey and everything will be all right. Those other sports are worthless. Especially baseball! The judges say hockey is great!

  2. gary Says:

    Don’t worry about your failure. You can try again NEXT year.

    I’m not sure you should name your rhoid. What if you had to have her forcibly removed? Imagine the trauma of losing a loved one.

  3. Dima Says:

    Don’t study hockey. No one cares about it! Well, except Scott and Canadians, whom we love, the Canadians, not Scott.
    It’s ok, you’re at least making an effort. Better than not.

  4. Erin Says:

    Baseball season is coming up and you already know the lyrics to “Take me out to the ballgame”… which is a huge start. I am impressed.

  5. Erin Says:

    Ha Ha … yes yes my boyfriend does look pretty cute in the old baseball uniform. But seriously baseball really is awesome. I think you’d like it if you gave it a chance. The first step is deciding on a baseball boyfriend (or at least that’s what I did). My first baseball boyfriend (Pre-Johnny Damon) was Shea Hillenbrand. Now with Johnny running off to the Evil Empire my new boyfriend is Josh Beckett (former Portland, Maine Sea Dog). He’s all around a tall drink of water, and new ace pitcher for the Red Sox. Then you go on from there. I can make suggestions if you’d like. Perhaps the Hanni fans can then vote one in for you.

  6. ScottyGee Says:

    Don’t listen to Dima. She’s just mad because the Cubs, Bulls, Blackhawks and Bears all suck. Baseball is good for one thing: nap time!

  7. Dima Says:

    Whatever, I’ll take nap time, over a sport where half of the guys are missing half of their teeth! Or as one of them would say it: “I’m mi-th-ing my teef!”

  8. ScottyGee Says:

    Well, if you like watching a bunch of fat guys scratching their privtaes, spitting and fake mound charging slap fights, then by all means watch some baseball! Hey, it’s the only sport on Earth where the majority of the players are standing still 99.9% of the time. What fun! Hehehehee. Oh yeah, I am real glad all those baseball players get jacked up on the roids so they can stand around in the outfield picking daisies all game.

  9. Dima Says:

    I love it when guys scratch their privates. Actually, I really enjoy baseball. I don’t have to like the individual players, but there’s a lot of strategy in it.
    I like all sports, but I mainly LOVE giving you a hard time, because, well, it’s fun as all hell!

  10. ScottyGee Says:

    You said “hard”. Dima, you are the wind beneath my wings. Where is that breeze coming from anyway? Did you eat Chipotle again?

  11. Hänni Says:

    Scottygee - Now you play nice with Dima, ya hear? Seeing the green wind post guacamole, well that’s nothing to be ashamed of. And actually hockey is the one sport I kind of understand, being that I grew up in the frozen waste lands of this great country. Plus my bros and sis all played when they were in school.

    Gary - The roid’ is a “loved one”? I don’t know about that Gary. Karen is not the kind of friend anyone wants to have - trust me.

    Dima - quote of the day: ““I’m mi-th-ing my teef!”. Bwa ha ha!

    Erin - Doll, flattery will get you everywhere.

    Erin - Glad to see you don’t mind me talking about your bf’s butt. One question about baseball boyfriends: can we find one who wears makeup? Cause you know that’s what I look for in a man. Ref: Gerard Way, sexy ass rock star.

  12. Erin Says:

    I head A-ROD and Jeter doll it up sometimes…so perhaps…but if you choose a yankee baseball boyfriend I will not be happy :P

  13. oregoncelticlady Says:

    He didn’t even think you were charming in your attempts??? I do have to saythat I LOVE watching hockey “judges” get smooshed between players colliding at fast rates of speed!!! hehehehehe

  14. Manuel Says:

    Hey, missed you today, hope you’re feeling better.

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