American Idol in the Windy City Or Chicago Really Blows

January 18th, 2006

And so it’s begun. With a two-hour premier that was chock full of the schlock, American Idol Season five is in full, freaking swing.

While AI was, as always, enjoyable, the Windy City auditions were a wee bit disappointing.

Sure there was the requisite taunting of the tone deaf, and yes there was a dude in drag –Hirsute Heidi’s voice could spoil milk, but what was really unforgivable was his flagrant display of chicken legs -, and yeah, there was that sexy Russian babe whose performance - more cabaret than qual-i-tay - prompted Paula to tear her shirt off… but it’s not like Paula hasn’t lost her top for a contestant before.

What up Corey Clark, you skeezy cheeser.

Anyway, amidst all the normal tomfoolery, something occurred last night that was quite shocking. You know what I found entirely unusual, dear hannihaus readers, so much so that I lost sleep over it?

Paula asks “What happened to Randy’s ‘dawg?’”

I couldn’t believe it but, Randy “I was in Journey” Jackson didn’t utter a single “Yeah dawg” throughout the entire episode!

That’s just craziness.

Well I don’t know about you, but I needed some answers. In an exclusive hannihaus interview, I asked Randy what really happened with the loss of his trademark phrase.

“I don’t know dude,” the jovial judge answered. “Mariah Carey must’ve eaten it”.

15 Haus Calls for “American Idol in the Windy City Or Chicago Really Blows”

  1. Dima Says:

    Your Mariah Carey obsession is starting to sound unhealthy. And are you talkin’ trash about mah city? I’m going to send you mah homies from Chi-town to learn you some of them manners yo!
    Ok, maybe not, but Chicago doesn’t blow. Mariah Carey blows twinkies!

  2. Hänni Says:

    Dima - I”m just following the rules. According to yesterday’s post, any time something goes missing, we are all to explain the occurance by saying “Mariah Carey ate it.” I don’t make the rules, I just follow em… oh wait. I *do* make the rules. Heh.

    Dude, i’m not dissing chi-town. I’m just saying the epidode was meh.

  3. Erin Says:

    I don’t get the “I was in Journey” part… am I the only one?

    I didn’t watch it last night, because I can’t stand to hear notes like that.

  4. Hänni Says:

    Erin - In 1983 and 1986 Randy was a temporary bass player for Journey. He talks about this experience - and his work with *gasp* Mariah Carey and NSYNC, etc all the time. Look it’s Randy in Journey

  5. Erin Says:

    wow look at that harido… I believe that was called the gumby? am I wrong?

    I am kinda disappointed now, because I really love me some Journey.

  6. mrtl Says:

    That darn Mariah Carey.

  7. Amanda B. Says:

    Shut up! Randy was in Journey? Does Brandon know this??

  8. Sassy8877 Says:

    I am with ya - kinda a disappointment. Maybe he is saving up his “dawg” for when we narrow it down to the top 12 or something. Maybe they finally sent him a memo that anything over used a thousand times becomes irritating. Sorta like Paula and Simon’s mock fight — come’on now.

  9. Hänni Says:

    Erin - Oh man, the hairdo has a name? AWESOME!

    mrtl - i know! This week it’s Randy’s “dawg”, next week she’ll be eating the finalists.

    Amanda B - Whoody? I dunna know Brandon… or do I?

    Sassy8877 - I personally am not bothered by “dawg” and rather relish it, much like Miss Carey relishes the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet. The fights though - STUPID. and OMG, the clip where Simon and Paula “kiss” - they’ve been showing it for three years and i *still* want to vomit every time I see it.

  10. Gary Says:

    Seems like Paula rode out her scandal and came back stronger than ever.

  11. Erin Says:


    Mariah Carey is my girl. My ultimate guilty pleasure. I just don’t know if we can be friends if you keep this up :(

    I will even make several suggestion for your next target du jour: Lindsay Lohen, Eva Longoria, or perhaps Drew Berrymore for wearing a hideous dress to the GG’s that made her breasts look like they belonged on Ma Walton. I’m still mad a Drew for that. “Is ugly the new pretty?” I inquire in my best Carrie Bradshaw voice.


  12. Cze-Johnson Carrie Says:

    I TOTALLY agree that something was lacking this week… especially last night’s episode. Paula really didn’t irritate me as much…. but I think it was cause I wasn’t feeling well… I might have been distracted?

    as for MC-fatbitch…. I invite you over to my place to take part in the weekly match-up. I paired her against Kirstie Alley, being that they’re both now in the same weight class. so far Kirstie’s winning.

  13. wordgirl Says:

    She ate it with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

  14. Hänni Says:

    Gary - Do you mean coming on (to the contestants) stronger than ever?

    Erin - What’s wrong doll? Did MC eat your sense of humor? O.K. but seriously, I totally love you. Don’t ever give up on me. And yeah, great list. I’ve done some stuff on Lohan before. I’m also quite partial to making fun of Ashley Simpson, Tara Reid, and of course, TomKat.

    Cze-Johnson Carrie - Yeah Paula was totally *not* irritating on Weds. And what was with Simon being so nice? Eff that. Wednesday’s saving grace: the showcasing of “Flaaawless” the “ontra pra noor”.

    Wordgirl - You just won Comment Of The Day. Awesome!

  15. oregoncelticlady Says:

    *waves arms frantically and jumps up and down* Lindsay for SURE!!!!! Hate, hate, HATE her! And she would make the slammin’ so easy!
    BAHAHAHAHAHA at Randy’s Journey hair!

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