Poop du Jour

February 5th, 2006

Whilst cutting up a hormone-free, antibiotic-free, grass-fed piece of beauty beef, I was sure to save a strip for the kittinks.

(Don’t freak. It’s good for them. Acidic by nature, cats’ stomachs do better with raw meat than Meow Mix … Who knew, right? The Nutrition Nazi, that’s who! Mwa ha ha.)

But anyway, as I watched the cats circle like hungry vultures to road kill, like sharks to their prey, or like Mariah Carey to a buffet line (hee), I just knew that the savory sirloin would really rock their socks.

It would be like Christmas. I would be a wise man. I’d come bearing beef.

So, after a few minutes I’d cleared the butcher block and it was time to present the succulent selection. For Bella, I chose the juiciest, reddest, and most mouthwatering morsel of meat ever seen by man or cat.

Eyes wide with anticipation, my darling Belle sniffed her steak twice, batted once … and then - without so much as giving the thing a lick - sauntered her ass right out of the room.

It was insulting really. Especially since yesterday I caught her barfing up 36 inches of shoelace, most likely fished from a stinking bag of trash.

Oh yeah, and this is gross too:

This morning, after accidentally bumping into it, Bella totally licked her brother’s butt. And that’s bad, because there’s a reason we call our boy “Stinky Sphynxy.”


Today is the last day to enter the Randy Jackson What’s Up Dawg Contest. Don’t forget that in addition to the grand prize, I’ll also be awarding boobies!

You like boobies, right? Well, if you love boobies, you should send me an e-mail telling me so. And in that e-mail you should also include your guess for how many times Randy will say “dawg” on American Idol this season! Woo!

14 Haus Calls for “Poop du Jour”

  1. John Boy Says:

    Yes, that was insulting. From now on save all hormone-free, antibiotic-free, grass-fed piece of beauty beef for me.

    Um, what is this about boobies? I think I need more info…

  2. Cze-Johnson Carrie Says:

    hmmm… got me plenty of boobage. I’ll take the meat, though…. shit… throw in the hormones and antibiotics while you’re at it. my body runs on chemicals.

    I’m getting nervous about the contest. Randy *seems* to be keeping things in control… but if last week’s DAWG-o-MATIC outburst keeps happening like it did… it can blow my guess out of the water.

    are you going to provide an ‘amnesty’ day halfway through the season in case your regular readers want to make a new guess??? (awww… screw them… I just care about ME. me me me!!!)

    I mean… I *KNOW* I can just go out and buy the damn book myself… but it’s the principle, DAWG…. it’s the principle!!!!

  3. Hänni Says:

    John Boy - I’m pretty sure you know what boobies are… If you want le booby prize, you must enter my contest!

    Cze-Johnson Carrie - Ok girl, I read your blog. I know you’re worried. Here’s what we’ll do. Send me your new, revised guess today and that’s the one I’ll count, k honey buns?

  4. anonymous Says:

    FYI–darling stripe was encouraged by her team of doctors to eat raw chicken livers. sliced & diced and served on a crystal platter. nothing less for the teenyqueen. when she finished eating “delicious feast” (because it made us feel better to call it that) she always looked like she had just brought down some type of large game–a warthog, maybe. small bloody face purrping at me…priceless.

    she did *NOT* however, lick bottoms.

  5. Amanda B. Says:

    You crack me up beeotch. Word.

  6. Dima Says:

    What’s with animals and ass-licking? Wait, what’s with animals and some human and …? Well, you know…
    Way to reel in the boys - talk about boobies is a definite way of getting their interest!

  7. Alanna Says:

    That sucks. If I were that cat I would eat that steak up like I would eat Gerards **** .

  8. worgirl Says:

    Butt-licking cats care not for the food we value. Truly, those who would rather scarf up half of a dead lizard probably can’t be credited with an epicurian’s palate. It’s Meow Mix for that crew!

  9. Hänni Says:

    Anon - I’m totally feeling warm and fuzzy thinking of teenyclee playing jungletiger. And yes, I agree, Clee never struck me as a bum licker.

    Amanda B - Word right back atcha.

    Dima - Well in truth, everyone lobves boobies, not just boys.

    Alanna - Yes, but would you lick Gerard’s bum? Cause I probably would. Yeah boys who wear makeup.

    Wordgirl - Point well taken. Maybe I should stop buying the miscreants their juicy, organic kitty kibble… maybe I should stop buying cat food altogether. She may turn up her nose at steak, but Bella really loves green beans.

  10. Dima Says:

    I don’t!

  11. Erin Says:

    p.s. I tagged you.

  12. ScottyGee Says:

    Dima - You love them and you know it! If you don’t like them then the terrorists will win.

  13. Von Krankipantzen Says:

    My cat totally does that too. Turns her nose up at feline delicacies. And then eats tape. Ingrates!! All of them.

  14. sassy8877 Says:

    Yea well my Boxer dog takes *licking* to a whole new art. I guess cuz she isn’t getting any sort of that licking loving otherwise, she figures might as well do it herself. And to think she licks faces with that tongue!


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