Whilst cutting up a hormone-free, antibiotic-free, grass-fed piece of beauty beef, I was sure to save a strip for the kittinks.
(Don’t freak. It’s good for them. Acidic by nature, cats’ stomachs do better with raw meat than Meow Mix … Who knew, right? The Nutrition Nazi, that’s who! Mwa ha ha.)
But anyway, as I watched the cats circle like hungry vultures to road kill, like sharks to their prey, or like Mariah Carey to a buffet line (hee), I just knew that the savory sirloin would really rock their socks.
It would be like Christmas. I would be a wise man. I’d come bearing beef.
So, after a few minutes I’d cleared the butcher block and it was time to present the succulent selection. For Bella, I chose the juiciest, reddest, and most mouthwatering morsel of meat ever seen by man or cat.
Eyes wide with anticipation, my darling Belle sniffed her steak twice, batted once … and then - without so much as giving the thing a lick - sauntered her ass right out of the room.
It was insulting really. Especially since yesterday I caught her barfing up 36 inches of shoelace, most likely fished from a stinking bag of trash.
Oh yeah, and this is gross too:
This morning, after accidentally bumping into it, Bella totally licked her brother’s butt. And that’s bad, because there’s a reason we call our boy “Stinky Sphynxy.”
Today is the last day to enter the Randy Jackson What’s Up Dawg Contest. Don’t forget that in addition to the grand prize, I’ll also be awarding boobies!
You like boobies, right? Well, if you love boobies, you should send me an e-mail telling me so. And in that e-mail you should also include your guess for how many times Randy will say “dawg” on American Idol this season! Woo!