January 30th, 2006

“Baby, when are you gonna blog about how I always beat your ass at Scrabble?”
- Angelface, Circa Sunday night

Although I’m ashamed to admit this for both personal and professional reasons, I’m going to be candid here: I am a loser.

A writer by profession, I realize there are certain things people come to expect of me. I’m supposed to read books (I do), and I’m supposed to be good at spelling (I am), and above all else - because words are my passion, my raison d’etre - I’m supposed to kick all kinds of ass in Scrabble.

I’m having a little trouble with the latter.

You see, not once, but twice now Angelface has proved himself a worthy adversary in wordplay and has beat me - like my name was Rodney effing King - at the most Hänni-friendly board game ever created.

This hurts, mostly because Angelface – throughout the duration of his entire life - has only played Scrabble twice.

In case you are bad at math, this means, that at Scrabble, Angel roolz and Hänni droolz… but I digress.

The first time Angel beat me, it was really bad –like beating me by 100pts or a triple-word-score for “quilts” bad. The second game though, I really thought I had a chance. If only The Face would’ve given me “Zocrates.” But Angel said Zocrates wasn’t a word. “Yes it is,” I retorted, “Zocrates was an Athenian teacher and the founder of the Zocratic Method!”

Unfortunately this argument was not persuasive –Angel is very well informed about Socrates and the Socratic Method, because he took philosophy in college….Plus he’s seen Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure like 50 times.

So yeah, Angel also wouldn’t accept:

  • “Le” because it’s French and the French are bastards.
  • “Telly” because it’s British and those people talk funny English.
  • “Ownly,” because, even though I”m fairly certain it’s in the Redneck Dictionary, Angel couldn’t find it in Webster’s.

Interestingly enough, even though Angel seemed to have a problem with the foreign words mentioned above, he did let me have “yen.” “I can’t believe it,” I said. “You’re going to allow yen?” “Of course I am baby,” Angel replied, “it’s the Chinese dollar.”

I started to tell Angel he was wrong –the yen is actually Japanese, boner.jpgbut I stopped myself. Unless I was able to pull a “boner” on triple-word-score I was going to lose, and I needed those six-effing-points.

At the end of our game, after 14 grueling rounds, Angelface calculated our totals.

At the bottom of his column he wrote 181.

At the bottom of mine, he recorded a score of “dumbass.”

19 Haus Calls for “S-C-R-A-B-B-L-E”

  1. Dima Says:

    Now if that’s not love, I don’t know what is! And the French aren’t bastards! I take (pseudo) personal offense to that. The Brits are though!
    And you both bring it on! :)

  2. Cze-Johnson Carrie Says:

    poor poor Hänni…. were you drinking??? maybe he was looking at the tiles while you were off fixing a drink, or nursing your THROBBING ARM????

    either way… he was probably C-H-E-A-T-I-N-G…. and that alone is worth 11 points (double word or letter bonus withstanding….)

  3. mrtl Says:

    I love Scrabble. Mister mrtl won’t play with me, though, because I play defensively. Doesn’t matter that he always wins; he’s too irked that I shore up all the good spots with my silliness.

  4. Gwen Says:

    I heart SCRABBLE sooo much, it’s probably my fave board game. Although, I’m not allowed to play it with Jonathan anymore after chosing to use a word for triple points at his parents house that was let’s just say inappropriate.

  5. Hänni Says:

    Dima - We know the French are bastards b/c Gdub said so (and consequently ushered in the era of freedom fries), but why are the British bastards? If not for the British, who would American be able to mock regarding bad food and teeth?

    Cze-Johnson Carrie - Sadly, I was not intoxicated when the Scrabble Battle played out. But yes, I was periodically nursing my injured armbone. And I would like to say here - I blame Angel for that boo-boo. As an avid golfer, when I told him my plan to start hitting range balls 3X/week during my lunch, I thought he would be excited. Instead he just laughed. And then when I came home going “Look here - my bone is sticking up all weird!” he laughed even louder.

    mrtl - I’m totally a Competition Queen too. I talk so much crap when I play games. The only thing that changes is the message depending if I’m winning or losing.

    Gwen - I would totally give you quadruple points just because you did use an unsavory word in front of Jonathan’s parents. God bless you for that Gwen! PS girl now you know you gotta tell me what it was.

  6. ZP Says:

    If the tiles treat you well, the ULTIMATE scrabble triple word score has to be QUIZ or better yet QUIZZES or QUIZZED (are there two Zs?)! If that doesn’t work, you can always try my tactic - slap an S, D, or E on anything and everything! Let him do all the hardwork and then throw the trump card (err tile) that gives you those extra 2 points! Touché!

  7. Deputy Dawg Says:

    Recount: Wed Jan 25 2006 (San Francisco)

    Once again, a total of 3 (three) dawgs were found in this episode.

    A possible false positive was muttered during the first few introduction minutes to the camera. This dawg believes it to be the first choice below as Randy is speaking to a collective and plural audience.

    “San Francisco, hopefully the third time’s a charm, [y’all]…”
    “San Francisco, hopefully the third time’s a charm, [dawg]…”

    Verified dawgs:

    1. Shawn Vasquez (7m30s) “What else do you wanna do in your life, dawg?”
    2. John Williams (23m24s) “Welcome to Hollywood, dawg!”
    3. Marcus Phillips (44m43s) “I gotta say no, dawg”

  8. william Says:

    My wife beats me at scrabble all the time. Now I refuse to play.

  9. Sassy8877 Says:

    Literati on Yahoo Games is great fun - and you should see the words they let you use :)

  10. divinecalm Says:

    Awwww. But it could be worse. I dated a guy who didn’t know what “cog” was. NOW that was embarrassing.

  11. Hänni Says:

    ZP - I routinely go for the cheapshot “s”, and sometimes the “ing”’s, but I have never, ever thought of the “d”. You know, next time, using your strategy, I’ll probably win. And even if I don’t, I’ll certainly get gratification out of yelling “touche!” every time I snake one of Angel’s hard-earned words.

    Deputy Dawg - Thank you for researching this! Wonder how many dawgs RJ will let loose tonight. Who let the dawgs out indeed.

    William - Angel refuses to play Scrabble with me until February 28, when he will have completed a month of gloating.

    Sassy8877 - Oh man. The name alone is making me salivate. I totally love words. I would so marry them if I could (no offense to Angel).

    divinecalm - Don’t feel bad. I told Angelface that our baby cat Stinky Sphynxy is looking like Jabba the Hut lately and my man just gave me a blank stare. I think not knowing “cog” is forgiveable. Not knowing “Jabba The Hut” is - to me - unfathomable… but I digress.

  12. wordgirl Says:

    You need to see the documentary Word Wars. It’s all about Scrabble. I love the game!

  13. Phineahs Gray Says:

    Looks like somebody needs to watch a little more Bill and Ted.

  14. Sassy8877 Says:

    In spirit of your “dawg” counting/drinking game, we are all going to play the GW Bush drinking game tonight with key phrase “working hard” - if ya wanna join, or need a reason to get drunk LOL, check it out on my blog.

  15. Spicy Pants! Says:

    I always beat the hubby in Cribbage. He always beats me in Yatzee. It never fails!!

  16. Spicy Pants! Says:

    Oops- “Yahtzee” …*tisk tisk*

  17. Hänni Says:

    Word Girl - I will *def* check out the movie. The only thing I like more than Scrabble is organic raisins. And the only thing I like better than organic raisins are documentary-type films.

    Phineahs - Yes I think some boning up on Bill and Ted is in order.

    Sassy8877 - I like the way you drink… I mean think.

    Spicy Pants! You know, I don’t even know what Cribbage is! And I probably played Yahtzee once when I was 10. Maybe I just need to branch out - try some new games and see which ones I can beat Angel’s ass with. Thanks Spicy!

  18. Spicy Pants! Says:

    Oh we love competition. Our new thing is ‘RISK’. Remember that game from the 70’s? Takes hours to play and gets quite intense!
    I didn’t know what cribbage was either. My hubby taught me to play. He had been playing since he was a kid ya know. I guess I’m a natural since I always kick his ass.

  19. Hänni Says:

    Spicy Pants! - This is so very interesting! Somehow I would’ve never taken you for a RISK girl. If I had to bet money, I’d imagine the kind of games you like best involve card decks and a handle of Jack…. but I digress.

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