Announcing: The Randy Jackson Register

January 20th, 2006

Today I come to you, a humbled Hänni. It seems, dear hannihaus readers, that I made an egregious mistake when I reported that Randy “they used to call him Jabba” Jackson did *not* use the word “dawg” on the American Idol Season 5 premier.

I’m not sure how I missed it, but a playback, brought to us by Manuel, Tivo, and the letter “k” confirms that Mr. Jackson did indeed utter his crowd-pleasin’ catchword on the night in question.

Remember Barney Fife from West Virginia? He kept singing “I shot the sheriff…” (pause for two secs) “I shot the sheriff…” (pause for two secs) “I shot the sheriff…” (pause for two secs) “I shot –Meh.You get the idea.

Anyway, at the end of the deputy’s beat-up, broken record of a performance, apparently Randy does say, “That’d be a ‘no’ dawg.”

You know what that means folks? It means, that although I suspected otherwise, Mariah Carey *did not* eat Randy’s “dawg.” She merely ate Randy – dude used to be twice the size he is now… I’m just sayin.

Anywho, in lieu of the recent “dawg” discovery, I am proud to announce a new segment of the haus. We will call it the Randy Jackson Register… and it will be glorious… and you can find it snuggled all sandwich-like between the “About” and “Archive” sections of the haus sidenav.

It’s a simple concept folks. Every time Randy says “dawg,” I - your mistress - will put a tally in the register. At the end of the season we’ll all be able to look back on the accumulated entries, and – I don’t know – maybe one of you will be receiving a p-r-i-z-e.

Hee hee! Contest details will be announced Sunday, and don’t worry, even if you’re not an Idolphile, it’ll still be fun.

Like more fun than you can shake a stick at.

Like more fun than getting a Brazillian nostril wax.

Like more fun even than bidding on William Shatner’s ebayed kidney stone (yech!)

Dear Hannihaus readers, I have a position to fill and I need your help. I’m looking for a brave (and detail-oriented) Deputy Dawg Catcher to help ensure that I’m keeping accurate count for the Randy Jackson Register.

A sort of quality assurance position, the qualified candidate will be as freaky deeky about Idol as I am, and must, accordingly, commit to watching - like it’s some kind of religion - every episode of American Idol this season… or at least 90% of them anyway.

Interested parties, please apply in comments. Even if you don’t want to apply, leave a comment anyway, because it’s Friday and you’re cool like that.

*Update* Manuel has stepped up to the plate!  He is the official hannihaus Deputy Dawg Catcher.  Congratulations and happy dawg counting!

7 Haus Calls for “Announcing: The Randy Jackson Register”

  1. Cze-Johnson Carrie Says:

    LOVE the idea… but I know I’m not (wo)man enough to be quality assurance. somewhere around mid to late February I’m sure to have a Paula seizure where I gauge out my eyes and my ears start to bleed from the pain of it all.

    Usually around that time I skip a few episodes…..

    for the contest, though… I’m going to place a bet on the upside of 70 DAWGS by the end of the season. Towards the top ten is when Randy really lets loose…

  2. gary Says:

    I love Randy. He’s such a dawg.

  3. mrtl Says:

    With my current state of affairs, I am unable to commit to such an endeavor. I love the idea, though, and have done the fervent calculations of which you speak on other occasions.

    One suggestion to make it easier… if Randy is indeed on a dawg diet… is to make it a drinking game. If he starts going crazy with it, though, this could backfire.

  4. Manuel Says:

    Quality assurance you say? Well, I did just find out I have bronchitis today, so I’m sure I’ll be spending even more time watching some quality programming. And some less-than-quality programming. And anything on the discovery channel because it’s in HD :)

    But yep, this explains why I’ve been coughing up blood for the past 3 days. The doctor didn’t even want to see my samples! Well, hope your weekend is better than mine will be…

  5. Sassy8877 Says:

    I drink too much during the show to keep an accurant accounting of anything LOL

  6. wordgirl Says:

    Though it is but simple calculating, I confess that I never took any ribbons in math. I will keep up with it through your blog, however.

  7. Hänni Says:

    Cze - Johnson Carrie - So true about the dawg count increasing exponentially once you reach the top 10. And yes, I have had a Paulaesque spazzout many a time during the tenuous whittling down to the top two… and oft times during the finale as well!

    gary - I think you want to be in Randy’s dawg pound.

    mrtl - I don’t know what frightens me more - the idea of turning my liver into pate when Randy inevitably turns on the “dawg” again, or the knowledge that you have calculated the frequency of his catchphrase of your own accord, on a seperate occasion. *Shudder*

    Manuel - Poor thing! Guess what? I’ll make your weekend better. You are my new Deputy Dawg Catcher!

    Sassy8877 - Do you play games during AI then? Or are you just talking about the need to self medicate in order to make it through an hour of Paula getting all moon-faced over 17 year-old R & B singers?

    wordgirl - Yes, wordgirls never really are good at math are they? Must be the whole right-brain thing. Well you can guess anyway. One time I won in a football pool and the thing is, I don’t know *anything* about that sport, except once a year you get to have a party and watch funny commercials.

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