Tell Us Something We Didn’t Already Know

January 17th, 2006

Somebody found the haus by googling “Mariah Carey is fat”. (hee)

Now why would anyone say that about Mimi?

My only guess is it has something to do with this unfortunate picture that’s been circulating on the Internet:

Fake you say?

Agreed. That last pic was obviously *not* Mariah Carey. It was missing a critical component:


Now that’s the Pillsbury Doughboy Mariah Carey!

For more Mariah Madness, (and photoshopping that doesn’t suck) click here.

In (seemingly) related news my glasses are M.I.A. I bet Mariah ate them.

Let it be known, that from now on when something goes missing, the reasonable explanation will be that Mariah has placed these items, like so many innumerable amounts of pork rinds, in her eager pie hole.

My lunch - my kittinks - my organic raisins, nothing is sacred. Mariah will eat them all.

In other news, Season 5 of American Idol starts tonight and I’m so totally stoked. I think I’ll christen the occassion by playing a drinking game wherein I toss one back any time Paula pouts, Randy says “dawg,” and/or Simon rolls his smarmy little eyeballs.

Something tells me I’ll be drunk and vomiting by the first commercial break.

12 Haus Calls for “Tell Us Something We Didn’t Already Know”

  1. Dog Mom Says:

    Hee hee. You totally made my day!

  2. Hänni Says:

    Dog Mom - It makes my day to know you enjoyed it :)

  3. Gary Says:

    I have to give you major thanks for letting me know about American Idol. It’s my favorite show and I didn’t realize it was starting back up tonight.

  4. Cze-Johnson Carrie Says:

    dude…. I love the hate. LOVE IT.

    I ALSO love the torture I’ll be inflicting on myself with american idol tonight. love the drinking game idea… my husband and I take running bets every week on which ‘idol’ paula will stand up and dance to. pardon me while I go gag repeatedly…..

  5. Sassy8877 Says:

    Train wreck syndrom isn’t it? This past weekend we actually Google video searched “William Hung” so that I could show my BF who he was … up till that moment in time he had been living blissfully in peace not knowing about this AI sensation.

    Another innocent moment corrupted —

  6. Erin Says:

    Hahaha. Love it.

    I can’t stand when Randy says dawg… he should read a book and expand his vocabulary to 12 words, for god sakes. Paula is terrible too… she can’t form a coherent sentence if she tried.

  7. Hänni Says:

    Gary - Hi you! Oh thank God I posted about this. I wouldn’t want you missing the season premier. I’m sure there’ll be much snarkiness to post in response to tonight’s airing.

    Cze-Johnson Carrie - LOL about Paula’s stupid dancing. Angelface and I love to assign calling cards to each major player. For Clay it was his habit of over-exaggeratingly mouthing “thank you” at the end of each performance. For Constantine it was the simpering come-hither-14-year-olds bedroom eyes and high kicks. Who knows what this season holds. I can’t hardly wait!

    Sassy8877 - Ah William Hung - perhaps the most famous non-Idol-Idol ever. “She Bangs, She Bangs” never sounded sweeter.

    Erin - To be fair Randy also says “I’m feeling you yo”… A LOT. Paula is a just a mess. Remember when she had that “manicuring” accident? Bwa ha ha!

  8. Man About Town Says:

    Of course you know I’m madly in lust with Mariah, but I still love you in spite of how you make fun of her. LOL

  9. wordgirl Says:

    These pics are much more flattering of Mimi. Has she lost some weight, perhaps?

  10. Phineahs Gray Says:

    I’ve been misplacing things for years. This whole time I thought I was just absent minded, but now I know the truth. Thank you Hanni, and curse that Mariah and her kleptomaniac eating habits.

  11. Hänni Says:

    MAT - Stay strong in your Mariah Love my brother. I chide the Singing Diva, but it’s all in good fun.

    wordgirl - ROFL! Yeah she might be on a diet… the see-food diet. She sees food and then she eats it. Mwa ha ha.

    Phineahs Gray - Yep. That bouncy ball you loved and lost when you were ten… it made a very tasty snack for Mariah. I didn’t want to tell you until you were old enough to hear the truth.

  12. oregoncelticlady Says:

    Be careful with that Mariah bashig or that evil girl wil come back with comments…..but then, that was fun! Love Idol, Love the Bachelor, Love any show that makes everyone around me in real life appear smarter than they really are!

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