Free Katie

June 22nd, 2005

Although I typically “stick to the script” and write about those things I know best, (I.e. my cats, my armpits and my office), there are, on occasion, world events that, by their sheer enormity, warrant their own post. And I?m not talking about run of the mill stuff. The fall of communism - ehhh, who cares? And who, prey tell, really gives two figs about the capture of Sadaam or the runaway bride? I’m talking about important stuff folks here. Today, I’m talking about Tom and Katie.

I have been irritating my friends and coworkers for weeks with my incessant ranting about this most heinous of unions. But I guess we can’t call it union. More like an agreement. More like a publicity stunt. More like the most fake, desperate, and vomitious spectacle to have ever assaulted my senses - or at least the most fake, desperate, and vomitious spectacle to have assaulted my senses in the last six weeks.

Prior to operation Ruin Katie, there was that matter of the ever-shrinking, pasty-faced Lindsey Lohan. I just want Lindsey to know, you’ve got boobs somewhere. Don’t waste ‘em. As a woman who?s never had the opportunity/cup size to use her boobs as a table from which to eat a bowl of ice cream or frosted flakes, I want you to know that you’ve been blessed. Don’t let Betty and Wilma shrink away. For the love of all that’s good and busty, do not let Betty and Wilma go quietly into that cold, flat night.

Free Lindsey’s Boobs.

But anyway, yeah, I’ve got beef about Tom and Katie. As a devoted Dawson’s Creek fan my loyalty lies with little Joey Potter. I believe she has been kidnapped and brainwashed by the cult of Tom. And so do these smart folks.

That guy is a wack job! What other straight man would dump Nicole “hot as my nuts” Kidman after multiple years of having his oatmeal served warm by the charming Australian? Why, the very same straight man who would hold hostage impressionable, young 26-year-olds in order to satisfy some midlife crisis and sell a few movie tickets.

And therein lies the rub.

This is just a facade. It’s so obvious what’s going on here. Let’s “hook up” in Rome. Let’s get “engaged” in Marseilles. Let’s jump on Oprah’s couch in Chicago. Tom is going for world domination, and he won’t stop dragging Katie around like a dog show poodle until he’s achieved this.

Free Katie - oh please Tom, free Katie.

5 Haus Calls for “Free Katie”

  1. Fil the Canadian Says:

    YES! I agree! Free Katie! Cause I want to marry her!

  2. Anonymous Says:

    I want to marry YOU!

    -Gym Jock

  3. QueenBean Says:

    Mwa ha ha!

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Hard to resist anal-izing Tom Cruise. So I won’t resist. Remember that Scientology was founded by a science fiction writer, the key word being fiction here. I was blessed to understand at a very young age that there is truth in many belief systems but no one has all the truth. I saw this long before I ever came to realize that I was a searcher for the truth of who, and why, I am. So, I looked briefly into scientology. There are some very useful and sound ideas behind it. Unfortunately there is also a great deal of crap too. I can tell you that living in my head, which is to a large extent where scientologists live, is not living completely. Every human being is so diverse and unique and it takes more than a lifetime for each one to find out the extent of her or his capacity and potential of mind, body, and spirit. Mind is not where love lives alone. The power of the mind is absolutely staggering but it pales in comparison to the power of the whole being. So, even though Tom believes that he is whole, he is still searching for his self in these multitudes of delicious young women. He is looking for his mommy and he manipulates and projects what he wants the woman to be upon her. Interesting how he is attracted to catholic women. At least he helps them to be liberated to some extent from the oppression of such a shame based belief system as catholicism. Of course he still carries the same shame based system in his unconscious as he has disowned it but it still sometimes drives his bus. As reality, and blame, sets in he will be off yet again in search of his mommy once more. Now, wasn’t that fun? Of course he ain’t much different from any other guy with testosterone pumping through his bloodstream. As it has been said the purpose of this hormone is to make the man fuck it or kill it.


  5. bigbro Says:

    I agree, free the boobs! As for Tomcat, I have but one statement. She chose him,THATS WHAT SHE GETS!

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