About two years ago, I attended a 4th of july picnic at my friend alaskanlaura’s house. Trying to keep in the spirit of the holiday, I pulled on a red t shirt with the greek letters for ASS (my pretend sorority) on the chest. I thought it was v. cute, because the letters are cut from a fabric with little white stars on it. Well, as soon as I got there, this girl, who i will call AA for Angry Annie, approached me, eyes wide and staring at my shirt. She went off on a ten minute rant about how great it was that i was in a sorority. She confided that she was president of her sorority. I had met her before, but this was the nicest she had ever been to me, so I let her think I was in a “real” sorority. I got bored of her crap-talk about sisterhood eventually, and that’s when i made the mistake of telling her I was actually in a “made up” sorority. ASS actually stood for “the anti sorority sorority.” And then, further throwing salt in her poor sorority girl wounds, I laughed when I told her our brother fraternity was called SEX. “ASS SEX? Get it?” I laughed. She got it, but she didn’t like it.

I saw AA at a couple functions after that, but she always very cold to me, which only confirmed the stereotype of sorority princess as ice bitch. - Hmm, this is v. appropriate, because she is president of an Alaskan sorority. Alaska = icy, get it? - Anyway, over christmas break i had the pleasure of accompanying a group of friends, and AA, for lunch. While there I became v jealous of her kate spade bag . She said she had been given one for a birthday or something, but that now she was really enamored by them, and had started purchasing them on ebay. Oh man, i felt bad. I was jealous of AA. I was, for a brief time, I envied AA. So pathetic.

Well, when I got back to school I noticed that a friend, (who i will remain unnamed), had a red Kate Spade bag. I was V. jealous. She told me she had a polkadot one at home too. I asked how much she paid. Grudgingly, friend informed me that she had paid $25 for the clever knockoff from some street bum in Georgetown. Of course, she doesn’t tell people it’s not a real Kate Spade, and honestly, the labelling and everything is exactly the same as the $300 bag. The real bag.

And then it all became clear to me. I didn’t have to be jealous of AA and her fake Kate bags. Instead, I had to laugh. Undoubtedly AA is paying $100 a piece for $25 imitation bags! Ha!

And the world was good again.

I feel so alive
for the very first time
I can’t deny you
I feel so alive
alive - pod

life ranking on the jealous of AA-o- meter: 0%! (no jealousy here kids)

Posted in VT, Friends, Sexiness