cheese rant

October 10th, 2001

I hate owens food court. i hate it with a passion. i hate the crummy little food court which smells rank and has low-quality “food” . The only reason i went to owens today, was because it is v. close to where i live. additionally, today has been a v. rough day. i got five hours of sleep last night because i had to help angelface pack cause he’ll be gone for the next 8 months or so. because it’s been such a rough day, i just needed to quietly grab some food and go.

well considering the meat products served at owens have a 50% chance of going me diarreah, i thought maybe i should try something veggie. the salad bar is a great tragedy, with its mounds of pre - frozen iceberg lettuce and flavorless cucumbers. The sliced mushrooms are bitter, the bacon bits soggy … it’s just no good. so i figured i’d have a veggie sandwhich, which has proven to be a good idea in the past. the first time i tried a veggie sandwhich, i did it because i had an overwhelming urge to pretend i was vegetarian. there was no logic to it, i just wanted to see what it felt like to say in a snobby voice “oh no meat on that.” to be honest, it was kind of exciting. for a moment i was an elite. i didn’t eat meat and it wasn’t any of their business why, but they were free to speculate. for example, they could imagine that i was an animal rights activist who hated the sight of pre - sliced deli meat, or i could have been raised to be elitist by my vegetarian elitist family and had never tried a piece of corned beef or pot roast.

Another great thing about the veggie sub was the price which was $1.90, compared to the meat sub which is a $2.95. So i’ve had a few since then. I usually get lettuce and onions, green peppers and mayo. i also like to have about three slices of cheddar cheese on that. i definetly don’t want american “cheese” to touch my sub, cause let’s face it, american cheese is just a fancy name for kraft singles, which is just a fancy name for square of processed chemicals and oil. yum.

so today, in my half - crazy state, i made the mistake of stumbling into owens. i got in the sandwhich line, said snootily, “i dont want meat on that” and got only two slices of cheese *gasp. further the “cheese” turned out to be american! *double gasp! So the dude puts a big “V” on my sandwhich and i proceed to the payment line. the cashier was fat and pasty faced with a bad perm. she asked if i had cheese on my sandwhich. uh oh. i had noticed on the sub sign that there was a new “cheese sub” designation and price. that price was $2.90, which is a huge rip off. for that price, my cheese better be made of gold. anyway, i replied to bloated poodle head that i kind of did have cheese on it, but because it wasn’t it wasn’t real cheese it didn’t count. i watched her sausage fingers move toward the “cheese sub” button and quickly interjected that my paltry 2 slices of “cheese” did not count as a meat substitute and therefore charging me almost $3 was insane. miss fatty two - shoes used the old “i just work here” excuse and rung me up anyway. that was just wrong. she should know to be nice to me today, i’m feeling very vulnerable.

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