December 30th, 2005

Rockstar Brother cracks me up. He’s been calling from Alaska to give me the latest on home front happenings and today he told me about Christmas.

“Did you hear what Baby Paige did to Maaa?” Rockstar Brother asked.

“Nope,” I said, “What did she do?”

“You won’t believe it, but Paige kicked her sneakers into Maaa’s mashed potatoes at dinner!”

“Oh holy lord!” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, it was a bad scene,” replied Rockstar Brother.

Because I’m big on jokes that make you groan, I had to ask: “Why do you suppose she did it?” And then I followed that up with a nice little, “Do you suppose it was just for kicks?”

*ba dum bum ching*

Thank you, thank you. I’ll be playing at the haus all week folks. Be sure to tip your waitresses on the way out.

So seriously, when I learned what my precious two-year-old niece, had done, well naturally I found it to be very disrespectful. Poor Maaa had her pristine, snow-white, mashed up mound of starch desecrated on the holiest of days and dinners, after all.

And so we say, R.I.P steaming taters.

Oh how I wish I had been there when that toddler-sized tenny lodged itself in the divot where gravy’s supposed to go… but I digress.

Christmas here in Florida was different. Not quite turkey with all the trimmings, Angelface and I found ourselves dining at the only place in town that was a) open and b) not Dennys.

If you’ve seen A Christmas Story, you’ve probably already guessed it. Always open, and quite the cliché, Angel and I dined holiday-style at the China Buffet.

Because all-you-can-eat pork flied lice for $9.99 is pretty good, even when it’s Christmas.

And I wonder, if Paige had been with us celebrating the birth of Christ over cashew chicken, if she would’ve kicked her Keds into my dinner.

I would’ve had to tell the waiter there was something in my food. He would tell me not to worry, it was just the house special after all.

“Ah,” I’d say, “tonight I’ll dine on egg-shoe-young.”

11 Haus Calls for “Egg-Shoe-Young”

  1. Dima Says:

    Did they chop a goose head off right in front of you? Did they sing “Fa Ra Ra Ra Ra, Ra Ra, RA RA.”

    And dude, you should’ve gone. My cousin’s wife almost had a miscarriage, went to the emergency room, and still refused to stay home and drove 6 hours to Canada!

  2. url Says:

    Maybe if I was two years old and was fed pasta pick-ups for Christmas dinner I would toss up more than sneakers. Perhaps Paige figured that if she had to eat crap then so should GMaaa. Paige was being two and asserting her wee little self. Meanwhile, GMaaa got new taters and put more distance between her and the fruit of her looms’ fruit.

  3. Hänni Says:

    Dima - No, there was no goose or singing. I feel cheated by my experience. And your cousin’s wife, she’s freaking hardcore.

    url - Why didn’t Baby Paige get to have regular Christmas dinner? I know Maaa made enough food. I would throw a shoe too if someone put pasta pick-ups in my pie hole.

  4. John Boy Says:

    *ba dum bum ching* indeed!

    Happy New Year :)

  5. Gary Says:

    Just dropped by to say happy New Year and that you have a great blog.

  6. Hänni Says:

    John Boy - Happy New Year to you as well!

    Gary - Thanks for stopping by. Your blog is really fantastic as well! Great how you mix stories with your gardening. Am a bit of a green thumb myself ;)

  7. Erin Says:

    I tried to get my mom to have a mexican themed Feliz Navdad with sombreros to boot. But as always, my idea was shot down. So we had the customary appetizers and finger foods. I snuck some queso con chorizo in there though. Yum!

    I love Chinese food, maybe I will lobby for that next year.

    Happy New Year!

  8. Dog Mom Says:

    Happy New Year! Hope you, Angelface, Belle, & Sphynx have a wonderful 2006!

  9. maaaaa Says:

    Yes, our precious Paige was asserting herself at dinner, but am here to tell ya it
    was a purely lucky shot that sneaker ended up on top of my mashed potatoes.
    Was looking the other way, talking to fam for, well, 1 minute, next thing I know an
    incoming bit of foot gear. So the out-take, Precious Paige ended up in the corner, our
    fluffy red dog got the grindage, & I myself got fresh food and a very funny Christmas 2005 story. Priceless. Happy New Year to all.

  10. Sassy8877 Says:

    Ahhh I like Maaa’s comment - fun perspective :) Our family is like that as well. It is good times to spend holidays with folks like that.

    Happy New Year to you all :)

  11. Hänni Says:

    Erin - Happy New Year to you as well doll and yeah, Chinese Christmas sounds like a winner to me. You can sing “Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra rah!” as you gather round the shrimp lo mein.

    Dog Mom - Thanks! And happy new year to you, Nick, two pups, tazo and earl grey :)

    Maaa - You are priceless.

    Sassy8877 - Best to you!

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