When I think about the state of the world today, I am appalled. Children are committing these horrifying crimes - whether bringing guns to school, doing drugs, vandalizing things, or subjecting us to the horror of having to listen to their strangled-voiced poppetesque singing of “La La” at orangebowl events - (tm Ashley Simpson).

I never got into that sort of trouble when I was a wee one. I just thank my lucky stars I grew up in boring old Alaska. I spent most of my adolescence huddled in my igloo, eating whale fat with Eskimos, always being sure to keep an eye out for roaming polar bears. Of course, there was that one time I decided to really cut loose, and ended up spending an afternoon joy riding on the back of Boris, a friendly moose.

Those were the days?

And there are some who won’t beleive me. The doubters will say “Come on H䮮i - we all know about you and your high society, cosmo-drinking friends. I’m sure you spent your teen years kicking it at debutante balls.”

And in response, I will say, “You don’t know this Alaskan gurl at all. Instead of cosmos I drink frozen margaritas. And no, I did not frequent debutante balls - I mostly stuck to dancing at snow balls.”

I’ll prove I really did grow up in the 49th state. Look here, I found a picture of when they were building my parent’s house…

Posted in Family