Toxic Kisses

March 14th, 2004

Am The Worst At Blogging. I feel like I should be giving myself a little lecture and slap on the tush regarding my slothlike blogging habits of late.

Regardless, as Popi says guilt is not for me, guilt is for my cat.

…Now, I’m not entirely sure what that means, except I shouldn’t feel bad about being a lazy banana slug.

Speaking of my cat, her name is Bella after the Italian word for “beautiful.” And she is very beautiful with her little white feet and sleek black torso. She has pretty green eyes with little black slivers for pupils and her tongue is fun because it’s all bumpy and weird looking.

It is with her tongue, or rather the breath attached to it, that I am often awoken from a sweet sleepy dream. You see, Belladonna, as well as being a lady of great beauty, is also a lady of great breath - stank breath, that is.

I’ve never met an animal with chronic halitosis before. Well, that’s not true… I am engaged to Angelface… I kid, I kid!

Bella consistently has the worst breath I have ever smelled. I mean, no kidding, her breath could knock the fleas off a dog and the flies off dog crap.

Of course, it is only when I’m sleeping or being leisurely that miss Bella wants to grace me with her fantastic vapors. At these blissful times she must position herself an inch from my left nostril so that she can open wide like an alligator and let loose a blood- curdling full-on breathy “Meeeow!”

But that’s not the worst way she wakes me. Her most recent early - morning antics have included, but are not limited to: a hostile takeover of my pillow, a loud crash coming from the kitchen, a rousing claws-out pounce on my delicate tootsies, and uninvited and suspiciously wet cranial and facial massages.

It was recently discovered that the source of the water from said massages, I am sad to say, is our toilet bowl. We are no longer free to leave the lid up, as Miss Bella has decided to use the porcelain throne as her personal splash mountain.

Speaking of which, she has disappeared from my sight… This is not a good sign. Must go chase my water baby. Pics next time…. Can’t find Photoshop CD at this ‘mo…

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