So official last-minute slacking is in full force. I wrote a paper today on “the contradiction of Mao Zedong” in a record time of three hours, from conceptualization to conclusion. Considering I typically spend at least two or three times that much time on this type of paper, this was a big accomplishment. However, I can’t really say anything about the quality of the paper, except that it’s better than anything a learned monkey could compose. Wait! Monkeys don’t compose, even learned ones. Doh.
I want to be a monkey,
monkey monkey monkey
monkey monkey monkey….
would you like to be one to?
when one monkey’s itchy, another is nice
to shake from his back all the vermin and lice
and if he gets hungry, he’ll shake on some fice
and eat the bug without thinking twice
I want to be a Monkey, from the Ren and Stimpy CD
Speaking of people who have the mental capacity of a baboon, my grant group’s “super senior” has informed us, a week before the final project is due, that he isn’t going to help anymore. Before I vomit all over it, I will excerpt, and translate, from the email for your enjoyment:
“I just want to let you know that at this point I feel I have nothing
further to contribute to the group. I realize that all semester long I have
been more of a headache than an asset to the group, and I feel like in this
last stretch you all will be better off without me. If, when it comes time
to evaluate our group members, Dr. Dubinsky says that I should still be a
part of that, I understand that you guys will all be more than justified in
giving me a pretty low rating.”
Translation = I’m too busy scratching my butt to face up to my responsibilities, and boy is it itchy!. Perhaps I have a disease, hmm. In any event, I realize that all semester long I have been scratching my butt, and I feel that in this last stretch, i need to continue focusing my efforts on the butt scratching. If, when it comes time to evaluate our group members, Dr. Dubinsky says I should be part of that, I understand that you guys may fault me for so persistently scratching my butt and doing zero percent of the work.
“Anyway I wish you all the best of luck finishing up the grant. I hope no
one has any hard feelings, I certainly don’t. After all, its just a class.
Translation = anyway, i am very good at bsing - and scratching my self, of course! I hope no one has hard feelings, because I certainly enjoy my scratching pass time. After all, hairy men gotta scratch sometime. Good Riddance, Rob AKA he-who-hopes-to-obtain-a-degree-in-galuteous-maxiumus-scratchius
So I’m eating this OMF (Owens cafeteria Mystery Food), trying to keep it in my stomach, which is a chore as it threatens to erupt like Mt.Vesuvius, in reaction to recieving this barfaronious-type email. I bought the OMF with SORM the other day. As I was eating the rice and sauce concoction, i mentioned to SORM, “You know, they really shouldn’t call this stuff Chinese food.” SORM informed me that, in fact, the OMF actually is not “chinese food’, despite the fact that it came from a place with “wok” in the title. I’m a little horrified.
What you must do after reading this blog: Hail Czarina of Weiners, Inc., Hänni Horn
I got this neat name from flywheel aerospace