Eating Crow

September 27th, 2005

Ok, I am an idiot. I feel really bad about the last post so, for the first time in hannihaus history, I removed something that had already been published.

It was rude, and highly uncouth, and totally misrepresentative of who I am and what this blog is about. It was one of those things that seemed like a good idea at the time, but then, eight hours later when you wake up, and your brain is all foggy from some misspent monkeyshines, you realize that you have been a Grade-A Jackass.

Note to self: If you ever have the notion of “I think I might regret this in the morning” then DON’T EFFING POST IT.

I’m so sorry, dear hannihaus readers. For my trespasses, I hope you can forgive.

So, I’m not sure how to make this right, except maybe we can do a little trash talking.

Let’s talk about me and my toes.

My 10 little piggys, they are entirely hairy. And when I say hairy, I’m not talking about a cute little poof, no I’m talking full-on, werewolf lady, kids-mistaking-them-for-fuzzy-black-caterpillars hairy.

And … I’ve never said this here before, but if I don’t take care of it, the same can be said of my upper lip.

Ooh, what do we think about that?

And yeah, while we’re at it, let’s add my enormous eyebrows to this scary-hairy discussion.

You know, I read online that like an umbrella shields us from the rain, our eyebrows shield our eyes from excessive sweat. I guess that’s a good thing for me that they’re huge,because I sweat like a pig at a luau when I’m running… or driving… or let’s face it, I’ve got tide pools forming in my armpits this very second!

And guess what folks, (this one should really gross you out), I hardly ever wear deodorant!

Yeah, it’s disgusting. I mean, it’s freakin’ 90 degrees out every day, and I’m going au natural. You know why? Because I have the worst hygiene habits ever, and sometimes I forget.

And even worse, at other times, I just don’t feel like giving the effort.
And you know what, when I actually do make an attempt to address my armpits, I’m not wearing deodorant! Too much aluminum, too many harmful chemicals too close to my tiny boobs. I am a hippy, and as such, I rub my pits with a salt crystal.

No joke.

I am also having a really bad about of acne right now, and there’s a volcanic-looking eruption right in the center of my forehead.

I have chronic halitosis.

I jut in front of people at the grocery store.

I am scum.

I was wrong.

I am sorry.

11 Haus Calls for “Eating Crow”

  1. Cody Says:

    Well, ultimately, it’s your call as to whether to add or remove anything from your blog. It’s your site. But I thought what you wrote was funny without descending into homophobia.

    Besides, I have to reconcile the fact that I was called “whale penis” most of childhood.

  2. Cody Says:

    There should be a ‘my’ before childhood in my last message. Whoops.

  3. Aaron (Asha) Says:

    What was the post? Now I’m curious.

  4. Hänni Says:

    Cody - Lol @ the whale penis. And hey, i’m glad you took it as intended… regardless, what I wrote could’ve been potentially hurtful to people that I dearly love, so i had to nix it.

    Aaron - Let’s just say it wasn’t entirely PC. And the swear word percentage was just way too effing high!

    You know, it’s like excessive drinking and casual sex, if you think you’re gonna regret it in the morning, than you probably shouldn’t be doing it. And I feel like I’ve just been on a pabst blue ribbon binge and spent the night with some slut whose name I can’t even begin to recall.

  5. Phineahs Gray Says:

    I’d take a person with the conscience to take back a post she thought might hurt others, before I’d take someone with good hygiene and small amounts of body hair any day! What a good person you are dispite the smell and excessive body hair. ;-)

  6. Phyrephly Says:

    Working next to Hanni on a daily basis, I have to say all of this (with the exception of her toe hair mushroom clouds peeking out the top of her socks) she’s not a smelly (for a girl). But from now on, I’ll be a lot more careful about catching cooties.

    P.S. - The original post was great, but I can understand why you wanted to nix it. Viva la censorship!!!

  7. Summer Says:

    Hey! I have burly-ass brows (hee: assbrows), hairy toes, and some dark upper-lip hairs (removed, thanks) too! And I sweat a lot! And I blog!

    We could be clones. Oh, except I’m big, fat, ‘n ugly, and you’re small and cute. And, of course, we’re two separate people.

    So, I guess it was a bit of an overstatement to say that we could be clones.

    Sorry about that.

    It’s backpedalin’ Tuesday!

  8. Cody Says:

    Oh, well. I look forward to seeing the post in the director’s cut.

    Just a sidenote, though: My eyebrows are so thick small woodland creatures call them home. I blame my mom for this genetic trait. I still love here though.

  9. Hänni Says:

    Phinehas - phyrephly says I don’t stink… so maybe i’m just hairy. How about that?

    Phyrephly - You smell okay yourself

    Summer - Ha ha! Assbrows, I love it! So good to see you at the haus! And yes, I think we share enough critical features (hair, sweat, blog) that we could at least qualify as quasi-clones.

    Cody - You might blame mom, but when things go wrong for me, I prefer to blame congress. You should try it sometime. Next time you find yourself in a staredown with the woodland brow’s shout aloud “damn you congress!” Maybe it’ll make you feel better. :)

  10. mrtl Says:

    I have some hairs on my chin and boob hair. It’s all good.

  11. xena Says:

    im hairless…

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