The Idol Files: Part I

April 30th, 2005

While we are on the topic of discussing those who look like American Idol contestants (I.e. Kristoff), I thought it might be fun to segue into a discussion about those who actually are crooners on that bubblegum pop program.

The nation was shocked last Wednesday when poodle-in-a-leather-jacket, faux rocker Constaine Moroulis was voted off Idol. Quite frankly I wasn’t, and here’s why:

Constatine’s unique pairing of a Prince Charming chin, (think cavernous dimple surrounded by two inverted peaks), with his classic and splendid Barney Gumble waddle made him the obvious choice to vote off.

And what do I mean by waddle? A waddle is a secret double chin.

In most instances the waddle is undetectable, and only when the neck is constricted - I.e. at times, when you are looking towards an audience with head lowered, seemingly sexy-like, in hopes of seducing fourteen-year-olds to text message a vote for you (idol 05!) - does it become apparent.

And you think, when the audience stares back all mystified, that you are the greatest pseudo rock star to ever sing Partridge family songs on a schlocky Fox stage. In reality the audience is simply spellbound by your awesome and glorious chin droop.

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