Nights in White Satin

August 8th, 2003

So it’s t - minus 8 days until “I do” for Sis and things are crazy. I got back to AK 4 days ago and have been working very hard as the designated wedding planner.

In four days I have recruited a work crew, picked wedding tunes, read fifty thousand bridal mags, shopped at several craft stores, created a party theme, and made itineraries so detailed and organized it would bring even the most crotchety yeta to happy tears.

The wedding theme is “happiness and hugs,” but I will secretly call it “crankiness and pugs.” The “crankiness” refers to the fact that sis has, understandably, been a bit of a bridezilla. Her need to be wishy washy has interfered with my need to be anal retentive, putting her on shaky ground with the Wedding Master. Roowr!

The “pug” refers to Woody, her cute little doggy. As a nice way to incorporate the pooch into the nuptuals, he will be the ring bearer. Maaa is fashioning a pillow with elastic straps to fit his shoulders. I bought him a nice doggy tuxedo, and I must say he looks very handsome in his black jacket and bowtie.

It’s a little like fat-guy-in-a-little-coat, because the polyester tux is sort of teeny, and his neck fat rolls out the front of said uniform. In short, the effect is precious.

Speaking of precious, the decorations for this shin dig are *adorable.* We are putting Hershey’s kisses everywhere and even making big Hershey sculptures out of foil and paper. The Coup D’ Grais will undoubtably be the bubble - blowing kiss, wherein a bubble machine will be conceiled under foil and paper plates. If that’s not class, I don’t know what is.

In another nice familial touch, the happy couple have decided to ask our Uncle Mike to perform the wedding ceremony. I’m *very* excited, because Uncle Mike is a real crowd pleaser. I think back fondly to all the fun he added to our Christmas get togethers. (cue the dream sequence) Each year, as per tradition, right after everyone had pie, he would get my bro Nickie in a headlock.

From there the two would wrestle like bargain hunters over sale racks, until finally Uncle Mike would reign victorious. He would remind us all that he had been a state wrestling champion in high school. Although thin and wiry, Uncle Mike has always been able to pull a mean half nelson.

Last time I saw U.M. at a wedding, coincidently, it was for Nick. While wrestling did not occur at said wedding, Uncle Mike still made things really fun. I can honestly say I’ve never seen anyone wear flip flops to a wedding. In addition, I don’t believe, until that day, that I had ever seen a hawaiin shirt paired with a bolo tie. It was a bit like Don Ho meets Clint Eastwood - very unique!

I can only imagine what sort of concotion U.M. will create for Sis’s special day. Whatever happens, it should be fun and i’ll be reporting on all the wacky details right here at the ‘house. Til next kids…

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