Minority Report

June 15th, 2003

At long last I can finally announce that the feminist/lesbian mothers and children have left the building.

I can make this statement with absolute certainty, as at this moment, I am the only person residing in NRE, and can conlusively state that I myself fit none of the aforementioned categories.

And like U2 says, it’s a beautiful day.

It doesn’t matter that it’s 60 degrees out with a heavy gray cloud cover that threatens rain and gloom. I’ve got my cube of cinder blocks to keep me dry and semi-warm. What matters today on this Sunday, is that I am alone. with my thoughts. with my books. without screaming infants rampaging through the hall.

And because I found some humor in it myself, I will now present a list of items left behind from this group. The list includes:
- one quasi-moldy banana (chiquita variety)
- one green apple
- 10 extra large red grapes on one stalk
- one stinky orange *note: each peice of produce was found on seperate floors*
- one Nokia charger
- one harddrive wrapped in plastic
- one gallon of generic water, unopened
- one deck of cheap, slippery cards
- one heavy, orange glazed plate (possibly handmade - in the 70s)
- one medium sized giftbag (expensive type)
- two mechanical pencils
- several childs drawings on paper plates with things like, “Ali, I am sorry for choking you. Forgive?” and “the hours of operation are from 4-9pm” written on them
- two unopened bottles of samuel adams beer
- six garbage bags of dirty diapers in the “daycare center” (imagine my delight when i opened the bathroom to find a half dozen stinking piles of shittiness)
- one handmade butterfly mobile
- and last but not least, one *hideous* bag-lady type dress. 100% cotton, stained, dingy. Lovingly protected by a hefty sinch sack covering and hung in a closet

Honestly, the owner of this funky ass frock would be better off if I just threw it out, rendering it permanently “lost.” But I wouldn’t do that, because I’m a decent human being - not a monkey who leaves piles of dirty diapers to be found by an *extremely* beautiful and unsuspecting building manager who’s wretch reflex would be put to the test…


On that note, I’ve got some plain yogurt and grape nuts with my name on it. Cheers!

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