Bent Over

June 6th, 2003

Computer is reformatted and running very well, if i do say so myself. I wish my work was running as smooth as my vintage 550 IBM.

You see, anything that could happen badly this week, barring nuclear disaster, has occured. This is a typical day this week: I am awoken before 8 am to the sound of a screaming pager prompting me to call the front desk. Undoubtedly when I phone the front desk I will speak to someone who is/is about to be hysterical.

Good F-ing Morning to you too.

Then, I will attempt a ten minute shower and five minute tea time. This is unnatural, because a shower needs to take at least an hour - 15 minutes for wash and rinse, 15 minutes for lotion and clothes, 30 minutes to dry my massive mop of hair. And tea time… normally I require at least 20 minutes.

You don’t expect the queen of England to have a 5 minute tea time, why should it be any different for her royal highness of hännihouse?

After slinging back the tea and throwing on rumpled gym shorts, I will proceed to some office or another where the computer that I desperately need to complete my morning tasks will be either A.) taken by some other poor bedraggled schmuck or B.) will not be working because the server went down

Frantic, I will call, page, and complain for fifteen minutes.

At noon I will attempt to eat lunch with my fellow staff members, only to be interrupted by an urgent page fifteen minutes into my meal. Oh well, who wants to eat the slop they serve at the ‘Trick anyway… I do. *sheds a tear*

Then I will spend the next four hours working on the computer which is now either free, or fixed, but which will have problems with the database which will require a tremendous amount of tweaking. Throughout this process my saving grace will be the soothing eighties cd playing in the e. drive.

God bless you Roxette and Wham for waking me up before you go, go.

And then at the end of a long ass day, I will try to consume my corn dog nuggets and blue juice without having a vietnam vet - like freak out at the dinner table.

Throughout the night I will receive pages informing me that the crazy man in 3g has called the police because the a/c is making him cold, or that rooms 4b and 4c are flooding, or that the ceiling has caved in at 7d.

Such is my life as it exists this week. It can only get better from here - I hope.

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