Out of America

December 23rd, 2002

Well here I am at the Alaskan hacienda. Miss Lizzy is snoring at my feet. She has her “birdy” gripped firmly between her teeth, and she’s giving me the wild eye - the old one-eye-wide-eyed bit. Gosh this dog is the cutest ~ mayhaps will pack her in my suitcase and ship her to VA.

I’ve been home for about five days, and it’s been a whirlwind. I’ve been shopping, shopping, shopping, coffeeing with friends, playing with puppies, baking cakes and pies, wrapping, wrapping, wrapping, cleaning and camera-ing. Apparently Mom won her hot new digital camera at the company christmas party. It is a cannon power shot A40, and was begging to be used. Mom and CG Dad hadn’t even opened the cutey camera before I got home. When asked why the cannon was still in it’s packaging, CG Dad mumbled something about it won’t work with our computer.

hrrumph. That sounded like a challenge. And so, like the private investigator who cracks the case, I fiddled and fiddled till some pictures, the camera did produce. Unfortunately I don’t know if our computer has a USB port, cause I’m retarded about hardware deals. But as soon as I get some pics uploaded, I’ll be sure to post a few here at the house. Rejoice!

Awww it’s so good to be home, and being with the fam. only reinforces my weirdness; i am certainly a product of my environment.

Case in point: Mom and i are cleaning out the laundry room when Mom cries “This is my new decoration!” and pulls a six foot tall cardboard cutout of Bartles and James from a basket. Bartles and James have been decked out in holiday garland and Santa hats. Mom’s planning to tape our “The Christmas cheer starts right here” banner onto the winecooler dudes.

Today we were at the Texaco, filling the Buick with some expensive-ass gasoline (1.55/gallon for the cheap stuff!) It was a bit chilly at the pump - probably 30 degrees, and the seat warmers were definetly on and working their sweet magic on my galloots. We’re at the pump, and mom just hops right out and starts putting gas in the car. Just like that - like no shutting off the car or whatever. And I totally notice the little red warning signs indicating that engines must be turned off.

I’m like too lazy to open the door, and can’t reach to roll down the power windows without some inconvenience, so i opt for the sun roof. I can reach that button fairly easily, so i do it, and then i start screaming “mom, mom, mom.” It was like my life depended on it, I was screaming so loud. But Mom didn’t even hear me. The lady at nextdoor at pumpstation 1 kept glaring at me though.

So finally Moms notices I’m screaming my lungs out, and goes “what do you want?”, and she looks cranky. I’m still too lazy to roll down the window and talk to her normally, so I shout out the sun roof “Mom, aren’t you supposed to shut off the car while pumping gas.” And this kills me. Mom goes “I don’t care. I don’t feel like it.”

Gas pumping adjourned, car still running, Mom goes “I guess you are supposed to shut off the car… but we don’t live in the United States.”

Oh Alaskan arrogance, God Bless you!

Make a Haus Call