A Letter To St. Nick

December 17th, 2002

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl.

It really wasn’t my fault what happened at eliz䢥th’s Christmas party. It was blake who spiked the punch with too much eggnog. I can’t help it if I drank 9 glasses. It was so good—smelled and tasted just like cheese.

I thought it was funny when I put enola’s bra on my head and danced the funky chicken on the entertainment center while singing `la cuca racha’. I didn’t mean to break elizabeth’s calculator and don’t know why eliz䢥th would sue me for larceny.

I don’t remember calling nick’s wife a silly goat—even though she looked like one with red eye shadow and green lipstick!

And when I threw up on brandi’s husband’s leg, it was only because I ate too much of that spaghetti.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my train through my neighbor’s foyer. I don’t think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a gassy turtle and have me arrested for writing bad checks!

So, Santa…here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all heavy and smelly. And I’m really not to blame for any of this nosey stuff. Please bring me what I want the most—bail money!

Sincerely and fast yours,
Hanni (Really a nice girl!)

P.S. It’s only 2 bucks!

(click here for your own Christmas story! ~ stolen from

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