And now for a very serious issue: if one more testosterone filled meathead pounds on my door, there will be horrifying consequences of a very real sort!
Twice recently these assholes from - well wherever they’re from,( they’re not my residents) - these guys pounded on my wooden door like their life depended on it.
I thought it was the second coming of Christ or something, the way this one jerko beat down frame. It bespoke an urgency, so that even though I was on the phone having a lovely conversation with ZP, I felt compelled to swing wide the gates.
It was just this kid with a hunch back demanding I unlock his door, cause I’m the F-ing RA. I sent him away. Told him I didn’t have a key - I lied, but who really cares?
Then today another asscrack, we’ll call him Pirate Pete, beats down my door - I seriously thought it would fall off its hinges. As I opened the door, standing before me was this mutant with a bizarre goattee and flaming red hair. I see this kid every day. He wears a black t-shirt - it is black and has a skull and crossbones on the front. Actually, the bottom bones under the skull are made to look like swashbuckling swords. I see this kid on a daily basis, and he is always, always wearing that same shirt. It leads me to beleive the Pirate Pete doesn’t own more than one t.
Why was Pete interrupting the solace of my teeny res hall room? He wanted to give me a screen. Yes, a window screen. I’m thinking the same thing you are when you’re like what the hell?
Pirate Pete told me it fell off my window . The logic: it had to come from my window because I live on the left side of the building?. I just wanted to say Uh about 100 people live on the left side of the building weird ass, but thanks.
And sure enough, it didn?t come from my window. I have all four screens tightly in place thank you very much. Argh me mateys! The next person interrrupts Captain H䮮i Horribulus with stupid comments will walk the plank!
(update, the list of potential future careers now reads: pirate ship captain, spy, feng shui master, mother to challenged child, medical experiment participant, naval officer, stripper, lawyer, and taco bell employee.)