Knives Out

January 5th, 2006

Holy shit kids! Apparently I’m a very Controversial Miss, as, for the second day in a row, my little ass had gotten in t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

Tuesday Mariah Carey brought the drama. I got (lamely) lambasted by an MC fanatic – a Mimi minion, if you will – after posting on super snarky blog, Celebrity Smack that the singin’ diva was looking positively Poppin Fresh on New Years Eve in a too-tight, winter white wrapper.

I personally thought comparing the Diva to the Doughboy was pretty effing clever, but I guess, Jennifer “Mariah is my homeboy” Fangurl thought otherwise.


So let’s fast forward to Weds. Again, I’m at the ‘Smack, and because everybody else is doing it, I decide to leave a comment. Before I go to post my note, (something about crotch rot and conjunctivitis), I notice that some anonymous jackass has gone on a bent, attacking blog mistress, Spicy Pants!, because she made the inference that male strippers (this guy’s ilk) were straight up skeezy.

And Spicy was right. Although the Queer Eyes might tell you differently, sausage does not a sexy stripper make…

But I digress.

So, being the good samaritan that I am, I defended Spicy against Deuce Bigalow by leaving a disquieting comment that contained the words “your stripping-ass jock” and “crabs.” …Because I am nothing, if not classy.

And wouldn’t you know - because that’s just been my luck as of late - my good deed kicked up a shit storm of controversy!

The short story is, someone mistook my post for the nastygram left by the Disgruntled Stripper and made quick work to harangue me, mixing the Stripper’s words with those found on my hannihaus profile. The malcontent was sure to criticize my education, this blog and my personal appearance.

And what I want to know is, how come when anyone’s got beef with my bitch-ass, (especially when it’s unwarranted), they feel it’s necessary to talk smack about my spectacles?

Yes I wear glasses. They help me to see things. I also brush my teeth twice daily and wash behind my ears when I’m in the shower. Anyone want to talk trash about that?

Anyway, for a good time, you can check out the full – and highly hilarious – hannihaus/celebrity smack/strippin-ass scandal by clicking right here.

Cheers to pissing off player haters! Til next, dear hannihaus readers, adieu.

14 Haus Calls for “Knives Out”

  1. nacho Says:

    Hey, what’s up with Hokie Hatin’?! Dubious fodder my ass.

  2. Hänni Says:

    nacho - Ditto. VT is a great school. Ever heard of a little thing called Bluetooth technology? Where do you think that crap was developed? Not at Loser U, I tell you that much.

  3. ScottyGee Says:

    Hanni - As your PA and as a fellow Mariah hater, I have to say I love your specs. For some reason I have always thought girls in stylish glasses were cuter than their non-spec wearing cohorts. Amanda Congdon on Rocketboom used to wear nice ones too, but then she got Lasik surgery and doesn’t wear them anymore. It was a dark day indeed. Keep wearing them and be proud! Nerd power.

  4. the village idiot Says:

    I always mean to wash behind my ears and then forget, which never fails to give me one of that “aww crap” spazzes on the way to work. So I commend you Hanni, on the thoroughality of your ablutions.

    Your well edumacated but remiss with ear cleaning friend,
    the idiot

  5. SORM Says:

    why wash behind the ears? they’ll just get dirty again ;)

  6. Dima Says:

    Obviously the world is full of idiots who have nothing better to say or think of other than people wearing glasses. Somehow these retards found the internet and are actually allowed to post comments. They should have an IQ test that people must pass before they comment. Although, much of the amusement of retarded comments will be missed. Hanni, you know we love you and your glasses (I have to, I wear glasses too), and wouldn’t want that to change a bit!

  7. Erin Says:

    Hope you got my email. I think you are fabulous!

  8. mrtl Says:

    Spectacle wearers unite! Ummm… later, like after a shower and getting all prettied up…

  9. Hänni Says:

    ScottyGee - Rest assured, for as long as I’m a geek, I’ll never get lasik. I think that means I’ll be rockin’ the plastic frames indefinetly.

    Village Idiot - Do you at least make sure to soap that crevice in your belly button?

    SORM - Ok I get that…except if you let your ears get too dirty you’ll start growing potatoes behind them. True story.

    Dima - Let the naysayers speak! I’ve got “retarted” in my tagline, so it only seems fair to let those individuals who fit that criteria participate in the goings on of the haus. And btw we don’t want you to ever change. Girls with glasses rule.

    Erin - Hi honey. I certainly did get your e-. Will be sending you a reply this evening :)

    mrtl - Get showered girl! You’ve got a resolution to keep, after all.

  10. Summer Says:

    Spectacles kick ass.

  11. Sassy8877 Says:

    OMG Funny! Thanks for making my Thursday a laughing one — I love online drama, trainwreck without airbags.

    Pure entertainment.

  12. Straylight Run Says:

    Hi, I’m just posting in regards to how incredibly stupid you are. Heh, I just couldn’t keep it to myself, had to express my opinion, I guess you know how that goes. In case you didn’t notice, you portray yourself to be one of most boring people in the world. “Hi my name is Hanni and I got in this totally effed up argument with a stripper on this site called “celebrity smack”. It was the greatest. I cannot believe how stupid and inane people can be. I completely told him off though.” You’re using someone’s else blog site to have something to write about on yours! If he’s not deaf, your husband MUST know how to tune you out.

  13. Hänni Says:

    Summer - I tend to think so.

    Sassy8877 - I know right? Winning a fight on the Internet is like winning at the special olympics. At the end of the day, it’s all retarded. And of course, as you know, anything retarded is right up my alley.

    Straylight Run - love your name. That’s one of my favorite bands (doubt you’ll ever be back to read this though, as most people who come by to hate read one post, judge and move on). Sorry to disappoint. Yes, this isn’t the blog of a stunt double or star wars convention junkie - it’s just my life, which I guess, if your’e not into Existentialism on Prom Night is quite boring. I posted about what happened at the ‘Smack because I think my regular readers (who aren’t necessarily Smack readers) would be interested - and they were.  So thanks for stopping by.

    PS my husband kicks ass.  He is not up for discussion here.

  14. Cody Says:

    Hanni, you should not have to waste your valuable time defending yourself against frothy mouthed, crazed Mariah Carey internet ninjas (defend her honor!). That may end up being a full time job.

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