It has been a week since I wrote last. Again, I’m on duty and in possession of the golf cart. Am somewhat nervous, but will remember to keep the keys on my person at all times. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…

In other news, has anyone else caught that new MTV show, Brandy: Special Delivery? Yeah. Probably not. Who wants to watch a show about a knocked up -wannabe - VH1 Diva? I think Brandy was like “hey I can’t perform on stage cause I’m all fat now. I know what I’ll do! I’ll have a reality show about the trials and tribulations of a childbirth.” Eww. Childbirth.

Hey Brandy, TLC called. They want their show back. Hello Lady! Ever heard of A Baby Story, and who hasn’t been visually assaulted by soggy, blooddrenched infants being ripped from their cursing mother’s womb during commercials for Labor and Delivery?

Baby’s alone are frightening - They’re like little aliens. They can’t talk. They can’t walk. And they smell weird. Their barf glows, they’re bald, and their heads are abnormally HUGE - so freakin’ huge compared to their little doll- bodies. Baby’s are creepy, so pair them visually with the nitty-gritty birthing biz and you have a recipe for the ultimate gross-out experience.

Hey I know how to reduce teen pregnancy - show Mrs. Brown passing her ten pound bundle of joy after 20 hours of sweaty, greasy, tissue-ripping, gut-wrenching, crapping-herself-publically labor. That would scare me if I was 13. Hell, I’m frightened right now just writing about it. Must stop now.

Anyway, the Brandy show wasn’t all gory - just totally lovey-dovey, like “look at me, I’m pregnant and I’m the greatest!” The only part of the show that I did enjoy came during a restaurant scene. I chuckled maliciously when Brandy, obviously in hormone overdrive, bitched out her husband for no apparent reason. Haha. Serves the bastard right for knocking her up in the first place.

Posted in VT, Work