Archive for May, 2006

The Big (Fat) Deal

Tuesday, May 30th, 2006

Every couple months or so, I get a nastygram. Sometimes they’re warranted, most times—ref. the infamous Hänni Horseface— they’re not. And the topic that gets folks most hot and bothered is the assumption that I, your kind and gentle mistress, have an unfair bias.
Shhh, the critics say, George Bush may hate black people, but …
Hänni […]

Dude Dressed Like a Lady

Sunday, May 28th, 2006

On a walk the other day, I crossed paths with an acquaintance. We’ll call this guy, Senor Pantalone.
Senor Pantalone has always struck me as strange. To start, he’s got this Charlie Brown face—completely nondescript and entirely featureless save for two black holes where his eyes should be. And when he walks, he often stumbles. It’s […]

I Just Wanna Have Fun

Thursday, May 25th, 2006

So y’all know I’m a pretty good writer, but …
I bet you didn’t know I could sing!
American Idol Cocktail Countdown karaoke—check me out! Ow ow!
Disclaimer: Although you may hear something that sounds like animals being tortured, nobodys cute, furry pet was harmed in the filming of this video. The only thing in danger here kids […]

We Got A Hot One Tonight

Wednesday, May 24th, 2006

Alright kids it’s been 8 weeks of American Idol Cocktail Countdown madness and tonight it all come down to this …
I’m about to get retarded and it’s all your fault.
Your votes have been counted. The Internet has spoken. You wanted to get me wasted, so you chose Stephanie’s Coke Lobster to be the winner of […]

Rebel with a Bra

Monday, May 22nd, 2006

Out with friends the other night, I met the most charming girl. Her name is Jody and she is a 34-DD.
Now you may be asking yourself, why, pray tell, does Hänni know the cup size of a girl she just met?
Well, it’s not because I was checking her out or anything … Because I was […]