i was all pumped to write a riveting entry about dog show life, when I got distracted. Smug Ellie gave me the coolest present. It’s a little silver neclace with our ASS sorority logo on it. It really is so nice, and this year I’ve been completely spoiled. I think this may be the best birthday year yet! Hurrah!
I talk about smug ellie a lot, but only in snippets. I’ll give a brief history. Smug Ellie was my roommate freshman year, and I didn’t know what to expect. She was pretty great from the beginning, inviting me to hang out with her friends, etc. Then one day, I walked in and she was wearing a pair of victoria’s secret panties on her head, having a conversation with a group of friends who also had victoria’s secret panties on their heads. I didn’t know what to do, so i just left.
Well shortly thereafter, she told me she had a song for me and began serending me to At A Medium Pace by Adam Sandler. It’s v. dirty so I won’t quote completely, but let me tell you a key phrase is “Sit on the corner of the bed and watch me wack off” Then she began singing I touch myself, which is not much cleaner. So here was my darling new roommate singing that when she thought about me she touched herself. That’s when I knew we’d be friends forever.
So she has this ex boyfriend - the pink berry. We don’t like him. He is obsessed with his mother, and i beleive, is secretly a homosexual. Not that there’s anything wrong with homosexuality, - as i have often said, after considering a life spent enslaved to the heterosexual males ego - if given the choice between fruit and nuts, why not take the fruit?
Anyway, pink berry who is kicking himself for letting the smug one get away, sent darling ell an email today. (we are happy he is gone. The 10cent sparkler highly endorses prince will of tacobell fame. Noone makes a burrito like prince will - who’s coworkers call him “liam”, and don’t know he is using an alias for work. V. funny really) Here’s what we had to say about dingle berry, i mean pink berry:
ebelle44: speaking of exes…pink berry wrote me an email
hannibehr: oh shitay!
hannibehr: what did he say? would really like to know about it.
ebelle44: he said happy b-day *Smug ell and I celebrate our birthdays together
hannibehr: man whore
ebelle44: it was pretty short
ebelle44: i wrote him back…said i’m going to school nad stuff
hannibehr: did you say “nad”?
ebelle44: made me sound really cute and nice so he’ll still want me and never get over me
hannibehr: girls are so cruel
ebelle44: haha…no, no NAD…
ebelle44: aren’t we!;-)
hannibehr: i’m going to post part of our convo in my blog
ebelle44: don’t use his name though
ebelle44: he might read it
ebelle44: he’s not blocked from your list
hannibehr: he’s not ?
hannibehr: are you sure?
ebelle44: i don’t know…did you block him?
Happy Birthdays: To Smug Ellie who is 21 just like last year, and the year before… and to Anne Switzer, I remember when she was 17 and now she’s 20! Time to stock up on depends or something. i’m getting old!