Dearest Hänni,
From time-to-time, things will happen in your life that you don’t like … not even a little … not even one bit. And in those times you will need to screw up your courage. You will need dig deeper, reach further, muster strengths that are as yet unknown.
I tell you these things, because one day (like today), your boyfriend will be channel surfing and he’ll stop on a martial arts movie. He will exclaim that, oh cool, Bloodsport is on! You will exclaim that, um yeah … I prefer we watch something else, anything else … please?
And then your boyfriend will pretend—like a fighter in the no-holds-barred mixed martial arts tournament playing out on TV—his ears have been boxed, and he can’t hear you.
It is at this time darling H, you must go within. You must access your experiences to discover a strategy. As you wade through the cobwebs of your foggy, misty, water-colored memory you’ll be reminded of a simpler time. And that time was when you were 14. You spent the summer at Katie’s house. Katie who was such a good friend, she taught you about white lies. Before that, you didn’t know lies came in colors, or that it was OK to tell them to strangers you’d prank on the phone. Katie who didn’t care it was a Class 1 Misdemeanor to spy in the neighbor’s windows with her father’s binoculars, even though her father—a cop—was the kind of guy who enforced such things. Katie, Katie, Katie, a girl whose passion for action flicks, (particularly the karate kind) could only be eclipsed by that of my current-day counterpart …
Wait, you’ll think. I’ve seen this movie before. I was 14. I absolutely loved it! Well one part at least.
You’ll turn to your boyfriend. “Andrew,” you’ll ask, “when does Jean Claude do the splits in his underwear?”
“Pretty soon, babe” Andrew will reply.
It is then you will learn, the thing you didn’t like … not even a little … not even one bit, is actually pretty awesome. In fact, you’ll think, it’s really very beautiful, a grown man doing the splits, without injuring himself in the process.
Jean Claude won’t shed a tear. But you will.
Stay classy sister,
xoxoH
