It was me.
And boy, let me tell you, that ten minutes of verbal ass whipping, man I enjoyed it.
It’s four hours later and I still can’t sit straight… and that would probably be okay if I had a bony butt. But I don’t. I may have bitty Betty and Wilmas, but I tell you what, I’ve got massive junk in the trunk. We’re talking bootylicious butt cheeks. I’m not ashamed, I’ve been called h-lo a time or two…
But I digress.
Yes, dear hannihouse readers, you may be wondering, “Why, pray tell, did darling Princess Hänni, great blog genius, master of all things wacky, tacky, and crappy get a big old tongue lashing from the likes of A Very Hip Software Company Big Guns?”
The answer my friends, is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowin’ in the wind.
But really it had to do with this:
a) Suspected misuse of IM. (Guilty, as Manuel and Mr. Lover Can attest.)
b) Unnecessary e-mailing. (Not guilty. I think it is entirely acceptable to e-mail a freekatie.net link to the entire staff list, being sure to include a rant about why I love Dawson’s Creek and why I hate Tom Cruise for ruining Dawson’s Creek darling, Katie Holmes.)
c) Taking too many effing breaks. (Again, not guilty. I’m sorry, but smoking-ass Rex from product dev spends way more time on the balcony than I do. He’s outside puffing away on his Virginia Slims like 10 times a day, no joke! I admit, I did have to take many multiple “breaks” last Friday. But I had Taco Bell for lunch. And accordingly, my breaks were taken in the bathroom… and involved explosive diarrhea.)
On a happier note, it seems Sphynxy has decided to stop shaving for a while. My little gray cat has moved on to filching new and more exciting lady’s toiletries. This morning I found him flipping around a tampon with wild, carefree abandon. I wanted to take it away, but I thought, “Hey it’s got a tail. That’s just at ten cent mouse with disposable applicator.”
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I know you can’t wait. And I know the anticipation is driving some of you to drink… and vomit… and roll in said vomit… But patience is a virtue kids. I know it’s excruciating, but I just want you to think, WWRD… What Would Rivers Do? Rivers Cuomo, lead singer of fab band Weezer, has been celibate for two years. If a f*ing rock star can go two years without tapping some sweet groupie ass, well, I’m sure you, dear hannihaus readers, can follow suit. No, I’m not saying you have to be chaste in your relations. Please, make sweet monkey love with wild abandon! All I’m asking for is a chance here folks… stick with me. The surprise is that good.