Speaking of free, a few months ago the government sent me a letter saying I’d be getting an economic stimulus package at no cost—just for being an American. At first I was super stoked. I mean, what girl doesn’t love a nice package? But then when I learned the package was just money (not mangina) I was like, awww ok.

It turns out the government wanted me to spend this free money frivolously. The idea is, if I, and every other American, spent that 600 bones on something fun—like 600 bones in Vegas (where there is abundance of mangina and it’s legal)— I would feel good (albeit sore as hell) and business would be bolstered.

And it’s a cool idea. My parents own a small business and they are struggling. Operating a power sports set up (read: ATVs, snowmobiles, go carts, etc.), the ‘rents rely on “fun money” entertainment expenditures to keep afloat. Maaa and Popi don’t make their bread and butter on folks who limit their spending to necessities like, uh, bread and butter.

Despite my desire to stimulate the economy in a fun and frolicsome way, my desire to pay my rent is even greater. And so it happened that what I did with my economic stimulus package was NOTHING. I put that junk in the bank kids.

And it’s a good thing I have *something* in savings. The cost of groceries is out.of.control. The other day I decided—in an effort to save money eating out (har)—I would make a dessert at home. I chose Rhubarb Fool (recipe to follow) because we like fools around here; heck I even married one—a fool, not a rhubarb, though it would’ve been preferable to marry the veggie but whatevs. So anyway, I go to the store and pick out three measly sticks of rhubarb (the same stuff that grows wild and FREE at Maaas house). I get to the register and snicker at the cashier’s name tag which reads: Rainbeaux. Then Rainbeaux tells me the total and I no longer laugh. That shit costs $5.99! This is too effing expensive for something that looks like pink celery, which if it existed would probably cost what green celery does which is $1.99 for organic. But anyway, I didn’t want to look like a cheap ass, so I sucked it up, walked towards the end of Rainbeaux’s conveyor, opened wide my wallet and handed her my gold…. And then I died a little inside.

Long story short, I am spending my economic stimulus cash on the essentials: FOOD and GAS. Granted, if you eat in my kitchen the former will inevitably produce the latter, but that’s a whole other post.

Rhubarb Fool (serves 2)

1 C fresh (or frozen thawed) rhubarb stalks
¼ C agave nectar or sugar of your preference
2 Tbs orange juice
1 C plain Greek yogurt

Preheat oven to 350 F. Combine rhubarb, agave and orange juice glass pan. Bake for 20 minutes or so, until rhubarb is completely soft. Refrigerate until chilled, about 15 minutes.

Into two glasses or goblets, spoon alternate layers of rhubarb mixture and yogurt. Eat immediately or cover and refrigerate up to 6 hours.

Post from: Hannihaus

Economic Stimulation

Yes, so I’m an idiot about politics, and predictably – because I didn’t want to be hung over on Hump Day – I avoided watching the State of the Union last night. This morning, however (and omg!), I did visit CNN.com for the recap.

Most of the crap Bush said was boring statecraft-speak. I’ll spare you my analysis on these matters. What I will talk about is the State of Cindy Sheehan, peace activist and enemy of the Haus of Bush.

It’s no secret that Cindy Sheehan has an axe to grind with El Presidente. After her son was killed in Iraq, Cindy made International news when, in August 2005, she held a lengthy demonstration at a peace camp outside GDub’s Texas ranch.

Last night, as a guest of Democrat, Lynne Woolsey of California, Cindy was invited to attend the State of the Union address… and she did, before she got arrested.

I think it’s because she messed with Texas, but the media reports that Sheehan was forcibly ejected from the peanut State gallery because she refused to conceal her anti-war t-shirt.

The arresting officers called Cindy’s fashion faux pas “unlawful conduct.”

Mommy Hilton’s got me me convinced: there outta be a law against drinking and drooping.

Now I read Celebrity Smack, so I am well aware of the need for Fashion Police.I mean, damn, after peeping Mommy Hilton’s nipples via see-through blouse, my first thought was to contact my Senator and demand that we enact a law forbidding old brods from exposing their not-so-fun-bags. But you know what? I never made that call, because it’s STUPID to punish someone for their attire… Even if their name is Tara Reid and their excessive show of greasy boobs gives you heartburn on a bi-weekly basis… but I digress (again!)

But yeah, Angel and I were talking about Cindy and her t-shirt, and we think it was very patriotic of Mrs. Sheehan to express her opinion at a political rally, Bush be damned.

This is still a free country, right? I don’t know. I’m getting kind of confused. Like I said earlier, me -I’m no political pundit.

All I know is, I used to think I lived in the United States of America, but as of late, I’m pretty sure I’m residing in the United States of What The F*-?!
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Update: The AP reports today (Feb. 2) that Cindy Sheehan has been released with apologies from the Capitol Police Chief… Seems they weren’t supposed to arrest her for that t-shirt after all, imagine that!

Jackasses.

Thanks for the heads up Dima ________________________________________________________
In less depressing news, and pertaining to programming we actually enjoy watching here at the haus, American Idol will be airing tonight – don’t miss it.

And if you haven’t played yet, I’m still accepting entries for the Randy Jackson What’s Up Dawg Contest. Enter today, because not entering is – simply – unAmerican.

Post from: Hannihaus

United States of Hysteria

Do this:

1. Go to Google
2. Enter “failure” into the search box
3. Choose “I’m Feeling Lucky”

4. – If you are a liberal – Chuckle with evil glee, maybe throw in a little mwa ha ha somewhere.

4. – If you are a republican – You should laugh too. It’s funny! And I know you have a sense of humor. How else can you explain how a grown man who needs to ask permission to go potty was elected president of the United f*ing States?

Post from: Hannihaus

Googlebomb

Gdub says: I caught this with just some cheesy puffs and a beer can tab!
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On a more serious note, victims of hurricane katrina, we are praying for you. Dear hannihaus readers, if you haven’t done so yet, please consider helping out our brother and sisters in Louisiana and Mississippi by sending some greenbacks their way. I’ll make it easy for you. Just click a link!

Red Cross
Salvation Army
Save The Children

Til next, adieu!

Post from: Hannihaus

Good Eatin’

Call me crazy, but I like the idea of porn being banished to its own dirty little corner of the Net. Maybe I’m alone on this one, but it seriously irks me when I’m surfing around all innocent-like when – suddenly– I’ve got Tara Reid’s greasy boobs staring me smack in the face.

Now, please don’t mistake, I love celebrity gossip, and I’m definitely a fan of celebrity boobs, but I want to solicit my own sex. I will find Tara’s boobs. I don’t need Tara’s boobs finding me whilst I’m doing a search for “Granny Smith Apples” or “California Melons.”

And another thing is, doesn’t Bush have more pressing issues to attend to? Shouldn’t ending the war, lowering gas prices, and strengthening the economy take precedence over Suzy McSlut’s .xxx domain?

Give me a break, Gdub. Give me an effing break!

In the meantime Rabid Christians, rejoice! El Presidente is doing his very best to keep porn where it belongs –not in a definitive, family-friendly locale, but rather scattered willy nilly throughout the entire annals of the Internet! Woo hoo for that!
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Got Secrets? I do.

Post from: Hannihaus

Hallelujah and Pass the Porn

I am careful to look down on rainy days. I am careful not to step on the rosy nematoda, lest one get squished into my nike treads, making for a grotesque mess on bottom of shoe.

And I think it ironic that it’s raining today, of all days. You know, some people say that rain is really God’s tears, that when it pours, He’s crying.

And, being practical, I never believed the God’s tears theory. I thought, it’s just a tale – a tale of the fairy, or old wives variety. Rain is really (rationally, scientifically) caused by weather occurences, by gasses and exhanges, precipitants and patterns. Everybody knows this is the truth, right? We know it’s true cause we were taught this in our fourth grade classroom by our smiling teacher.

But what if Mrs. Bennett was *not* right. What if indeed, the fat drops of water falling heavy outside my window really are the tears of Emmanuel?

Today I disregard science and rationality. I believe something greater than cummulative clouds governs today’s rain.

I think it’s ironic that it’s raining today, because, today marks the start of a truly sad and horrific day. Today, hannihouse readers, we are at war.

Post from: Hannihaus

When it Rains, It Pours

Yes, and apparently, our nation should be worried about nuke-u-lar war and ‘fishal policies.

But what I’m worried about, is the fact that, while he is trying to lead us all to war, George W. – that monkey – can’t even pronounce his words correctly. I wonder if it’s because he’s from Texas, so I try to justify the mispronunciation as an accent. But my cousin’s from Texas, and her “peninsula” sounds like “peninsula.”

And then it makes sense.

Right after I watched the horrifying state of the union address – (Guess we don’t have to worry about those “3,000 terrorists arrested world wide”, as they are “let’s put it this way, not a problem any more” – hmmm, I think this means they were killed – don’t worry about the fact that we supposedly believe in freedom, justice, and the right to a fair trial. No wonder the freakin world hates the US) – I watched the Osbournes.

It was a hilarious, yet heartwrenching episode, as we see Sharon get weaker with her chemotherapy. Ozzy spends the episode mumbling about the dogs and how they crap everywhere. I think that Ozzy should make one of those anti-drug commercials, because who better to illustrate the evils of crack and crank than someone who can’t even form coherent sentences.

And that’s the connection.

Everyone knows W. was into the blow, and I think, while watching his address it is evident that it has impaired his brain. Georgie, like Ozzy has problems with words, because his brain looks like swiss cheese.

But we love Ozzy.

We think George W. is a monkey.

Post from: Hannihaus

Planet of the Incompetents