So American Idol, Season 5. It came, it went, it gave us Taylor “my pubes look like a genius’s haircut” Hicks (god love him).
Here at the haus, Season 5 gave us something else: a reason to get retarded.
… And that’s exactly what we did.
In January I announced the Randy Jackson What’s Up Dawg Contest. The [...]

So y’all know I’m a pretty good writer, but …
I bet you didn’t know I could sing!
American Idol Cocktail Countdown karaoke—check me out! Ow ow!
Disclaimer: Although you may hear something that sounds like animals being tortured, nobodys cute, furry pet was harmed in the filming of this video. The only thing in danger here kids [...]

Alright kids it’s been 8 weeks of American Idol Cocktail Countdown madness and tonight it all come down to this …
I’m about to get retarded and it’s all your fault.
Your votes have been counted. The Internet has spoken. You wanted to get me wasted, so you chose Stephanie’s Coke Lobster to be the winner of [...]

Yesterday my baby sister, Spanky made a plea in comments that I *not* participate in the American Idol Cocktail Countdown.
And she’s right. As a New Age Mama/hardcore Nutrition Nazi, the *last* thing I should do is flood my veins with alcohol.
After all, I hear shooting organic raisins intravenously is much more fun.
But yeah, I love [...]

I read in the news this morning that American Idol contestant, Mandisa will not be performing at a pro-gay event. The unquestionably Christian singer speculates these kind of beliefs are what got her kicked of the show last week.
I disagree.
Having seen her last performance, I think it’s perfectly obvious why she lost the votes.
America is [...]

Wanna get me wasted? Here’s your chance!
Here at the haus, we love us some American Idol. Sometimes the performances really touch us and we’re driven to laugh, cry, smirk or smile. Most often though - after enduring 60 minutes Paula’s bad hair and the contestants’ bad vocals - I just wanna drink.
And here’s where I [...]

I don’t get it. You’ve got fame. You’ve got money. You’ve got a stylist who does all your fitting and primping…
And yet, during an appearance on national TV, you still manage to look like Cornelius from Planet of the Apes.
Paula Abdul, for displaying the best helmet hair this side of Chewbacca’s Wookieefied forehead, [...]

Well it’s that time of year again, folks. For the next 15 weeks or so, millions of people will tune in and tune out to the Fox phenom, American Idol. This is the haus’s favorite show, and - because we like it, we really like it - we want to celebrate with a little friendly [...]

Today I come to you, a humbled Hänni. It seems, dear hannihaus readers, that I made an egregious mistake when I reported that Randy “they used to call him Jabba” Jackson did *not* use the word “dawg” on the American Idol Season 5 premier.
I’m not sure how I missed it, but a playback, brought to [...]

And so it’s begun. With a two-hour premier that was chock full of the schlock, American Idol Season five is in full, freaking swing.
While AI was, as always, enjoyable, the Windy City auditions were a wee bit disappointing.
Sure there was the requisite taunting of the tone deaf, and yes there was a dude in drag [...]