Oh man, has anybody else seen the greyhound commercial where the couple at eating at a Japanese restaurant? There is this greyhound dressed in a little chefs outfit and he is grilling their dinner and talking to the couple. Just one question: how is a greyhound somehow Japanese? And how does he cut those onions if he doesn’t have oposable thumbs?

So this is how my day has gone so far. I wake up at 4 am to see S.K. Dad off. On my way to the ladies, i notice someone has left me a little greeting on my erase board. It says something to the effect of “I lick penis.” Nice. I erase said message.

At 6 am I set my alarm clock to go off at 9:50, because have a group meeting at 10 (On a friday no less! SUCKS!) So the alarm clock goes off, and I curse my group for a while, and then trudge over to upperquad, only to find that my group members are MIA. I curse my group members again.

On my way back from the imagined meeting a service vehicle nearly runs me over, and curiously, the doors are locked. (I don’t have my passport to let me in.)

I finally get back to my room and check my alarm clock. Yeah, it says 10:30, but then I check my computer. It definetly says 9:30. I turned on Fox and Jenny Jones was on. Jenny Jones comes on at 9.

Moral of this story: I should’ve stayed in bed.

This morning I am a Grogosaurus.

It is 9 am and despite my many hours of sleep, I am groggy. I thought a shower would wake me up. So I walked toward my usual shower nook – the right back. However, before entering said shower, I was sure to stop at the shower nextdoor to make adjustments.

You see, my shower is permanently set to thermonuclear.

What do I mean by this? Well, the water in the showers gets so hot that you are forced to dance around going “ooh, ouch, oh!” for fear of having your skin burned off. People emerge from these showers looking like broiled tomatoes and the main ingredient at lobsterfest. In short, it aint pretty.

The only way to combat the thermonucleosity is to turn the nextdoor shower on freezing cold. For some reason, if the neighboring shower is set to cold, my shower has a bit of cold water too. Why does this happen? It’s just another college mystery. I don’t ask questions, I just know it works.

So I walked into the showers wearing my little Grogosaurus pink bathing cap, (and you thought bathing caps were only for old women), and sleepily turned the neighboring shower to “glacial ice storm”, not paying attention to the fact that the showerhead was pointed directly at my toweled body. Suddenly, by virtue of early morning baptism with v cold water, Grogosaurus Rex became Frostasauraus Rex. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Finally, despite the shenanigans, I did get a shower in. And it was good. But am still v. groggy. And am still wearing nerdy looking shower cap. I think I have to come to terms that I may never fully wake up.

File this under: Friday Morning Madness

I saw something v. interesting today, and everyone must check it out. The Osbourne Family has their own show on MTV. I watched the teaser this morning, and it looks great. I think my favorite scene has the Patriarch, the prince of darkness his ozziness himself running around outside chasing his cat. He is wearing this black t shirt with a skull on the front. He’s got on the trademark shades and he’s yelling “SHAAAAAAAAAAAAARON!”, which I assume is the name of his cat. He’s panicking and keeps tossing a some “F-ing cats” in there for variety.

You must understand, I am in no way an Ozzy Osborne fan. I probably only know one song, and I’m not particularly fond of that one. His new video, where he’s running around in the snow terrifies me. The white, symoblizing purity, directly contradicts mr. dark man. I can’t watch it. It comes on, and I switch the channel faster than you can say “that’s one scary mo-fo”.

Even though I’m not a fan of the ‘English One, I do think I’ll like his show. As you all know, I really enjoy Making of the Band, which is also a reality show on MTV. You know what would be cool? If they had an episode where Ozzy was forced to hang out with O-Town. Oh hell yes. I can see it now.

Ozzy: “I like to eat the heads off flying rodents.”

O-Town: “I like to eat cereal.”

Ozzy: “Cereal’s good too… So, people call me the Prince of Darkness”

O-Town: “Really? Prince is cool. Purple Rain rocks!”

Ozzy: “Prince? I’m not talking about that F-ing weirdo! Just for bringing that up, I’m going to eat your first born children.”

and then O-Town can do a little dance, a tribute to Ozzy. They’ll call it “Mr. Osbourne, Don’t Eat My Baby, Baby.”

Oh it’s too delicious. I should sell this junk to MTV.