If you asked me what’s new, I would say nothing except I’m about to commit what some—including my devout catholic grandfather—would consider a mortal sin. (Although, if we are keeping tabs on crimes against humanity, Grandpa’s insistence on stretching a tan thru Speedo across his wrinkly, 83-year-old butt cheeks would certainly qualify for more than a few Hail Marys … but I digress.)
The big news, which is “nothing new,” except that it is, is that:
Andrew and I are moving in. Like together.
We are going to live in sin, which if you think about it, is not unlike living in Singapore except there’s a few less letters to contend with. And also, the unfortunate practice of caning won’t come into use in our household … unless Andrew makes a habit of leaving the toilet seat up, in which case all bets are off. Just kidding, honey! (But not really.)
And no, we don’t think cohabitation is a bad idea. Andrew and I have been together two years and this particular pre-marital proposal has been under consideration for about six months. We both agree that marriage is in the cards, but we’re still sorting out when that will happen—wise men say, only fools rush in. And neither of us is into making serious, life-changing decisions by sticking a careless, wet finger into the wind. Now, sticking a careless, wet finger into an unsuspecting earlobe? We totally back that.
In the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you there has been *some* concern, as it applies to increased domestic responsibility. “There’s a reason why women hesitate to shack up,” Mom recently explained. “Taking care of a man—all the additional washing, cooking, and cleaning—it’s like accepting a second job where the pay really sucks.” I told Mom she was being silly. I said I’d been living with a boy the past five years and I’d never had to fold his underwear. “That’s true what you’re saying sweet girl,“ Mom replied. “Sphynxy is very good about personal cleanliness and he doesn’t go through a lot of laundry, but honey,” she said, “that’s because he’s a cat.”
Andrew—who has never had a roommate—is so lucky he’s leasing an apartment with me. I am a GREAT roommate! In college, I bunked with this sweet girl, Megan Snelling—she was on the crew team, which meant she was gone most weekends at rowing competitions. Every Sunday, while she was out, I would wash Megan’s bedding and turn down the sheets. I did this partly because I really liked Megan, but mostly because I’d secretly spent much of her absence passed out, naked—Saturday night’s vile vodka-Kool-Aid cocktail oozing from my pores like a steamy bowl of microwave ramen—on her convenient, bottom bunk. And only once did she catch me actually in her bed (she’d returned earlier than scheduled). She gasped at the sight of me tucked into her covers, drooling, at 2PM on a Sunday afternoon. As Megan ripped back the purple comforter, the one her granny had gifted her, she asked, Where are your pants?! Looking at her buff rowing legs clad in teeny athletic shorts, I could only reply, I dunno. Where are yours?!
(As an aside: I wonder what Megan’s doing now … and why she won’t add me as a friend on Facebook. It’s a nice gesture and all, but every time I send a request—instead of hitting “add”—my long-lost roommie emails me a link to this video called “Are You F*cking Kidding Me.” Poor girl. She never was very good at computers.)
So Andrew and I are currently apartment hunting. If you are in Houston, we highly recommend the services of Denise “Boots” Boucher at Apartment Living Locators (713-783-1441). She only winced *very slightly* when I told her Andrew and I (being fitness enthusiasts) had special needs that include: space for six bicycles, a dedicated spandex closet … and most probably, an intervention.
If we don’t get committed first, February 2010 Andrew and I are moving in. And then we’re going to buy new furniture. And then—if you ask my Grandpa Banana Hammock—we are going to burn in hell. I personally think the only burning Andrew and I will be doing will occur in our shiny, shared kitchen, but there’s only one way to find out. Premarital cohabitation, here we come!
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17 comments to “Love Shack(in) Up. Big News: Andrew And I Are About To Be Engaged … In Sinful Premarital Cohabitation!”
Ho ho HO!
Merry Crispmas! Congratulations to the two of you and I hope you both find joy in cohabitation.
P.S. Your writing gave me a sweet laughy release that I needed desperately this morning. Thank you!
Best of luck to you both! Unfortunately, your momma is right…& no one bothered to tell me this before I engaged in the sinful act of cohabitation without matrimony. It IS alot of work, but the pay isn’t horrible. Afterall, it simply can’t be expected for moi to be the one to put things into storage in the attic. I shudder at the thought.
Have fun!!
I’ve been there. I’ve also had some really terrible roommates in the past, so when my husband and I moved in together (3 years before we got married) it was nice to not have to leave passive aggressive notes and just yell it out when something needed to be done and not worry about offending the other person.
We did have an adjustment period, with finances and all that fun stuff, but after that it was like having the best roommate ever! And being upset about living in sin is so…Y2k?
I’d be more worried about the people who don’t live together before marriage or any of that. Because then after marriage they tend to be the people who think their lives are going to completely change….guess what, that piece of paper? Changes nothing.
Congratulations Hanni! I’m sure living in sin is going to be wonderful for you both.
This is a much better way to go about things than when I moved in with a friend from VT and two months later he told me he wanted to date me. Awkward. I dated him. It didn’t work out. End of story.
Your story is going to be SO much better
thats awesome an what a coincidence, i am getting a new roomie in february!
’bout time you joined the cool kids
congratulations!
wise men do say only fools rush in, but wise men also say “one who goes to bed with itchy bum, wakes up with smelly finger” – which i reckon you can then stick in the wind?
Sin is so IN! WOO HOO!
I can’t wait to hangout with you guys and see the new place in April! Everything is going to be fantastic! Although…I have to say…if you get a diamond on your finger before I do CK is going to get a caning he’ll never forget.
xoxo
Woot! Excited for you…I dragged Mike across the country (which is also how far away I needed to be from my family’s scorn!) to move-in with me after only 8 months.
Living together was an easy transition-good luck to you (and your Spandex closet).
One of your best posts Hanni! Congrat to you and AHP… I look forward to THOSE tales. AHahahahahahah
… I’m pretty sure Megan Snelling went to high school with me.
Seriously.
Congrats on the move-in!!!
YAY!
(I know.. I’ve got nothing else. just happy for ya.)
You are so cute when you’re ridiculously happy. (SIX bikes? SIX?)
Saintly Advantages of Living in Cohabitation Sin – Brad & Angelina are the new role models!
While marriage is touted as THE only way to truly have a successful, committed relationship, there are many distinct advantages to cohabitation that are often overlooked, a few of which are as follows:
1) Time-bound
One BIG advantage of cohabitation is that it is NOT until death do you part. Instead, it’s more likely bound by the one-year lease you have on your apartment or some other form of limitation set up in your calendar. It can be beneficial to talk upfront about the relationship’s “life-span!” You should consider declaring a particular date 6 or 12 months out, and then sit down at that time to evaluate how well the relationship is going. If things have been good, perhaps you pick a longer time horizon until you do your next check up. If things have not gone well, you’ll more likely find it easier to end the relationship…. the lease is up and so is our time together.
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2) Maintain Individuality
One assumption of marriage, like the unity candle ceremony demonstrates during the wedding, is that two people become one. However, suppose you’re not ready to take this bold step. Cohabitation allows you to work on building a relationship without necessarily giving up your individuality. A “separate but equal” approach can help reduce the anxiety that you might feel if you were to “lose yourself” in the relationship. No relationship gets better based on how much you give up to be in it. Living together is a low risk method to see IF you can live with someone, full-time and not diminish your individuality in the process.
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3) Eliminate Illusions
It’s been said the if “love is blind” then “marriage is an institution for the blind!” It’s normal that in the early stages of a dating relationship, each partner is trying to put their best foot forward. One of the real shocks that can occur after marriage is to discover that the person you married is not who you thought. Cohabitation affords you the time for the illusions to disappear and the real person to emerge. When this happens in marriage and the image does not match the reality, it can send a shock wave through the marriage and creates a sense of being trapped in a deception. Instead, by living together, while you may be shocked by the reality of your partner’s hygiene habits, lack of anger management, passive-aggressive sniping, at least you’re not trapped… see #1 above.
4) Practice Equality
Successful relationships are about many things including creating a sense of equality. In days gone bye, it was not expected that the man and woman were equals. The man ruled and no one questioned it, despite what may have been disastrous consequences. Now, however, “power with” vs. “power over” is one key to making an intimate relationship work. During the dating phase of a relationship, it’s easy to maintain a “balance of power!” He picks a restaurant, she picks a movie and next time the roles shift. Once you move in together, you have the chance to see just how equal you are with your partner. The question of who controls the TV remote, who cleans the kitchen or who does laundry is quickly answered. The outcome is an important piece of information for you to know about your partner. If you are lucky, your partner values equality and if he or she does not, at least you learned it before walking down the aisle.
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While it has been said by many naysayers of cohabitation that you cannot “practice” commitment, I say bunk. Cohabitation has some real advantages over getting married, at least in the short term. The above are just a few.
We’re maintaining separate residences so when the day does come (insert bells) it’ll be scary for all the right reasons. Plus, how weird would it be to leave together in the morning to go get hitched? You should kick his ass out immediately after if/when he proposes