See the girl in that picture? That’s me. I’m celebrating a day that’s a lot like today, except it was 25 years ago. I was 5. I had fewer teeth, bigger dimples, and a lot less candles on my cake. My favorite TV show was the Bugs Bunny/Looney Tunes Comedy Hour, followed closely by Knight Rider and the Dukes of Hazzard (check out my sweatshirt). I had just learned to tie the shoelaces on my clunky, kid-sized Caribou boots, and was very proud that my bed—now that I was a “Big Girl”—was stripped of its protective, plastic sheets.
The day I turned 5, I remember my smile—like a watermelon in winter—was wide. At my party, I was Cleopatra, Queen of Egypt; instead of red grapes, I was served a Duncan Hines chocolate cake coated with canned frosting so sweet, it made my mouth ache. Before we cut the cake, Mom asked that I make a wish on its flaming crown. I filled my little lungs and puffed my cheeks. I blew for all I was worth, dousing the candles with a not-so-mighty wind and spray of spittle.
“What did you wish for?” Dad asked.
“World peace!” I cheerfully replied, mimicking something I’d heard Luke Duke say on TV.
My father snickered, and within moments the entire table was laughing at my precocious distraction. As I had hoped, no one was any wiser about my REAL wish. My secret wish, my true heart’s desire was that every day could be a birthday … that every day could be filled with friends, fun, and cake from mix … that every moment of my life would be so charmed. And also, I wished for a pony, even though I was scared of their stumpy legs and overly-large eyeballs.
…
Flash forward to today and suddenly: I am 30 years old.
I have gone to sleep and woken up 10,958 times. Since my birth, ticking clocks have counted down 15 million minutes. And if my life’s breaths were dollars, I’d have more than a quarter billion.
I have—as my 5-year-old self wished—lead a favored and felicitous life. I have many friends, an amazing family, money in the bank, and business cards with my senior title emblazoned across the front. I have hiked Mount Fuji, biked the Texas hill country, and survived nights spent at sleazy, Canadian hostels where the aged windows busted and shattered when wedged shut. I have witnessed great beauty in blizzards of cherry blossoms and in raindrops that transform when white-sleeved snow gowns are donned. In the faces of my cherubic nieces and nephews I have seen God, and because of them, I know He is gracious.
Save for my marriage to a troubled man who told so many lies—to myself and to his mistress—he lost track of all truth, I have had few sorrows. And even in sadness, there were always lessons learned. Since my divorce, I have pledged to love deliberately those who deserve it. And to those who do not? I now know to distrust a heart that’s so bowed it can’t break.
For my next 30 years, I’m wishing for babies, a house, a second shot at being a bride.
And if all those things come true, then the next time I do this assessment—when I’m 60 and smile lined—the only thing left to wish for will be the pleasure of a posture bra and sensible shoes. And maybe a pony, assuming I’m over the eyeball thing.
Happy birthday to me, xoxoh
happy birthday!
So Anna and I want to know if that fab Duke’s of Hazard tee survived your childhood?
Eri–I wish! How cool would I look in a glittery, toddler-sized sweatshirt with Luke and Bo Hazzard on it? Erm … don’t answer that.
For the record, The Dukes of Hazzard was my favorite show and I remember proudly wearing my Bo Duke jammies.
Happy birthday! I’m so glad you’ve been blessed for the first 30 laps… I hope the next 30 give you great joy and good health.
Happy happy, and here here to the next 30! (Or is it HEAR? Hmmm. Here’s to hearing in another thirty years, and maybe a visit here, too!)
Love to you today and always—
Your ‘oh-how-I-wish-I-was-and-maybe-could-be-except-for-the-complete-lack-of-any-matching-DNA-and-the-other-small-detail-of-being-born-a-full-seven-years-and-one-day-ahead-of-you-and-looking-absolutely-nothing-like-you’ twin sister….
xxoo!
hmmm, i think i know what your wish will be for this year when you squint your eyes and blow out your candles! Happy Bday!
Happy day to a beautiful hot thang!! Mwah!!!
I want to know more about the Canadian hostels where the aged windows busted and shattered when wedged shut…
I have a very big warm fuzzy feeling that the Best is yet to come. So much awesome headed your way, because I happen to know for a fact that awesome attracts awesome. It’s a written rule. That I just wrote.
Happy! Day of Cake to you. (Now come back to Portland!)
happy birthday big sister, may your day be filled with happiness, laughter, and the occasional grinding of the corn…… heh heh *smooch* love u
Happy birthday! I love this juxtaposition of your five-year-old self and your current self. I am so thrilled to have found your blog (and that you have found mine). I hope all of your wishes come true!
Happy Birthday! So nice to meet you!
May all your wishes come true…
P.S. I LOVE that you were wearing a Dukes of Hazard shirt….OH the memories
Happy belated birthday! I can’t believe that you remember your 5th birthday so vividly, and that shirt is pretty awesome. My brother went through a Dukes of Hazard phase, WAY after it was ever on tv.
Love you Hanni!
A belated Happy Birthday! Great pic–I especially love how you have included your doll in your birthday celebration. She’s front and center:) Best wishes for the next 30! I can say with some authority that a woman’s 30s totally rock.
Happy Birthday— a bit late to the party here… guess there is no cake left?