Times are hard. The economy is tanking, the price of gasoline is surging, and I have a seriously bad case of assbrows. And why do my brows look like like such ass? Well, because the economy is tanking and the price of gasoline is surging. Whilst I used to get a luxurious bi-weekly brow wax, the cost adds up, so now I just wax nostalgic instead. That shit is free yo.

Speaking of free, a few months ago the government sent me a letter saying I’d be getting an economic stimulus package at no cost—just for being an American. At first I was super stoked. I mean, what girl doesn’t love a nice package? But then when I learned the package was just money (not mangina) I was like, awww ok.

It turns out the government wanted me to spend this free money frivolously. The idea is, if I, and every other American, spent that 600 bones on something fun—like 600 bones in Vegas (where there is abundance of mangina and it’s legal)— I would feel good (albeit sore as hell) and business would be bolstered.

And it’s a cool idea. My parents own a small business and they are struggling. Operating a power sports set up (read: ATVs, snowmobiles, go carts, etc.), the ‘rents rely on “fun money” entertainment expenditures to keep afloat. Maaa and Popi don’t make their bread and butter on folks who limit their spending to necessities like, uh, bread and butter.

Despite my desire to stimulate the economy in a fun and frolicsome way, my desire to pay my rent is even greater. And so it happened that what I did with my economic stimulus package was NOTHING. I put that junk in the bank kids.

And it’s a good thing I have *something* in savings. The cost of groceries is out.of.control. The other day I decided—in an effort to save money eating out (har)—I would make a dessert at home. I chose Rhubarb Fool (recipe to follow) because we like fools around here; heck I even married one—a fool, not a rhubarb, though it would’ve been preferable to marry the veggie but whatevs. So anyway, I go to the store and pick out three measly sticks of rhubarb (the same stuff that grows wild and FREE at Maaas house). I get to the register and snicker at the cashier’s name tag which reads: Rainbeaux. Then Rainbeaux tells me the total and I no longer laugh. That shit costs $5.99! This is too effing expensive for something that looks like pink celery, which if it existed would probably cost what green celery does which is $1.99 for organic. But anyway, I didn’t want to look like a cheap ass, so I sucked it up, walked towards the end of Rainbeaux’s conveyor, opened wide my wallet and handed her my gold…. And then I died a little inside.

Long story short, I am spending my economic stimulus cash on the essentials: FOOD and GAS. Granted, if you eat in my kitchen the former will inevitably produce the latter, but that’s a whole other post.

Rhubarb Fool (serves 2)

1 C fresh (or frozen thawed) rhubarb stalks
¼ C agave nectar or sugar of your preference
2 Tbs orange juice
1 C plain Greek yogurt

Preheat oven to 350 F. Combine rhubarb, agave and orange juice glass pan. Bake for 20 minutes or so, until rhubarb is completely soft. Refrigerate until chilled, about 15 minutes.

Into two glasses or goblets, spoon alternate layers of rhubarb mixture and yogurt. Eat immediately or cover and refrigerate up to 6 hours.

Posted in Politiks