Welp My Sister Shoved a Watermelon Out Of Her Hoo Hoo Today
March 25th, 2008But actually it wasn’t a watermelon. It was a baby!
My sweetie-pie niece, Baby Grace was born this morning, weighing 9lbs 6ozs.
What’s cool about all this—besides the fact she looks like a little squished grape and I am all about organic raisins—is that I intuitively knew today would be Gracie’s birthday.
I knew this because I dreamed it.
Sometimes I think I’m psychic. Last night I had a very vivid dream I was at the hospital with Spanky. She was in labor with Gracie.
And then when I awoke—not 5 minutes after my cats’ lodging of claw up my left nostril roused me from bed—I got a call from Sis. She was in the delivery room and it was time to push.
Seriously, Miss Cleo has nothing on me.
So one time I had this dream where I was on a date with John Mayer. He sang for me, and while he performed he made that real ugly face he does; the one where it looks like dude just ate a pound of queso and is in excruciating pain. I find that face incredibly hot. Blown away by both his vocal and physical performance I was like, J-May you’re the shit. And John was like, no H-Wick you’re the shit. And I was like, oh please J Babe you are the total shit. And then JMan was like, Hanni you are the kraft macaroni and cheese of shit—you are the shittiest! And I was like, true. And then he sang some more crap and I swooned while he made Frankenface. And we rode off into the sunset together and ate Tex Mex (so John could make more fuel for The Face.)
I’m still waiting for this particular dream to come true.
In any event, I want to wish Baby Grace a happy birthday. I love you very much little one and I’m sorry I tainted your “welcome to the world” announcement with talk of shit. But if there’s one thing you need to know about Auntie, it’s that when it comes to shit, she is full of it.
Here’s hoping the next time you’re photographed looking so mottled and splotched, it’s at a keg party and you’re in college.
xoxoAuntie
Hanni at Hannihaus dot com
hanniluvsu
hannibehr
March 25th, 2008
Oh, BABY. She is lovely. Congratulations! to your seester.
And I’m really going to have to fight the urge to walk around all day and tell people they are “the kraft macaroni and cheese of shit.”
March 25th, 2008
Awe…and OMG! Your sister still has eye make-up intact. Is she a soap star or is it just the photo? You know…like on Guiding Light when Harley would wake up from a tumble in the hay with Mallett and she’d still have perfect lashes and gorgeously lined eyes and bright red lipstick. Yeah…I’m just saying.
Congrats on being an Auntie to yet another beautiful baby girl!
March 25th, 2008
I think I love you THAT much more now.
congrats, Auntie Mac. much love to her and yours.
March 25th, 2008
Kerri Anne–Don’t fight the urge lady. Get down with your kraft macaroni and cheesiness.
Erin–Yes my sister is a glamazon with the awesome ability to look gorgeous even twenty-minutes post birthing. She can also leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Cze–Auntie Mac! HA. You kill me!
March 25th, 2008
Awwww, so cute!!! I have not realized that you were still blogging. Where do you go off getting back to it and not telling me? Sheesh!
Back to the baby… AWWWWWWWWWW!
March 26th, 2008
YIPPEE! YAY! More cuteness! I love it! Tell her I said congratulations. And congratulations to you too - you psychic witch you. Maybe it has something to do with organic raisens eh?
March 26th, 2008
How can someone look so amazing after pushing a 9 lb person out their va-jay-jay? Explain.
Also, I keep laughing at John Mayer. Thank you for that.
March 31st, 2008
cute kid. my siblings are all in baby mode right now. my sister just had a baby ginger kid and my brother’s girldfriend is on the verge of doing the same. i will just offer advice because babies are the kind of thing best enjoyed from a safe distance.