Borrowed blonde wig and baby doll: free
Family-size bag of cheetos: $3
Last-season fishnets from TJ Maxx: $4
Blowing out the crotch on your cheap-ass tights (while at work) and realizing your Britney Spears costume is now entirely authentic: priceless
Happy Halloween Y’all
xoxo Britney, bitch.

A friend wrote something that made me recoil in horror.
In a post about sibling rivalry, she mentioned one sister had kicked the other sister in the neck.
Who the eff kicks their sibling, the flesh-of-their-flesh, blood-of-their-blood in the FREAKING NECK?!
…
I’ve always preferred the crotch.
Just ask my brother, the eunuch.

Two things:
1. Michael Jackson is a pimp
2. I might be a lesbian
Halloween is only two weeks away and in the spirit of scary shit, I’m taking a hip hop class. For anyone who’s seen me dance (re: shuffle sideways, shoulders slumped, booty bobbing), you know this is truly frightening.
I am learning the choreography to Michael Jackson’s [...]

During the course of our conversation he said two very interesting things:
1. Scientists have discovered the world is indeed flat
2. Girls with short hair are bitches
Obviously he was only right about one of two things.
…
Everyone knows planets are *not* shaped like pancakes.

This weekend I went to a party in San Antonio. The lovely Girl Ferret turned 27, and accordingly the lovely Girl Ferret’s lovely girl friend (the notorious Hä.N.Ni) turned green. Yes kids, much merry–and mixed drink—making was had.
Don’t worry about me though. It is true that someone, after seven vodka shots, fell asleep on the [...]