Tofurkey For Me, Tofurkey For You, I Eat Tofurkey In A Wooden Shoe
November 29th, 2006Thursday—in celebration of Tofurkey Day—I took a trip.
And that trip—like the one our forefathers embarked on in 1620—led me to lands previously unknown
For the Pilgrims, the final destination was America.
For me, it was Fresno.
Yes Fresno, California. A place I’d been scared to visit for quite some time. Part of the trepidation lay in the fact that I’d never been; it was foreign. But mostly I was scared because I saw on E! True Hollywood Story: Britney and Kevin, that K-Fed is from there.
And it did not seem impossible—because it happens to everything he touches—that being in K-Fed’s hometown would result in the ruination of my pop star career and/or the impregnation of my ovaries.
Both bad things, I assure you.
So I went to Fresno where I stayed with Rockstar Brother. We had a great time! Fresno’s actually very charming with lots of good shopping, clean air and kempt lawns.
In deed, the only time I sensed the presence of K-Fed, we were on our way out of town. It was a false alarm anyway; it turns out the bad smell in Bakersfield is just manure.
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Thanksgiving has come and gone but the next major holiday is right around the corner kids! Saturday, December 2nd is the holiday we can look forward to all year long. Bigger than Christmas, more kick ass thank kwanza and more fun than the ‘Fourth, it’s my birthday! I’m totally stoked. After all, it’s not every year that I turn 21!
…
Oh wait. I have been turning 21 every year since 1999 …
Pshaw, details. The important thing is it’s almost my birthday! And I really like presents *hint, hint* Amazon Wishlist right here *hack hack*
Hanni at Hannihaus dot com
hanniluvsu
hannibehr
November 30th, 2006
“Kempt” has always been a favorite word of mine. “You look nice today Hänni. Your hair looks rather KEMPT.” See? I know. Awesome!
Oh, and Bakersfield rules. Except for the poo-smelling part. But my aunt and uncle live there. And I like the Stucco style and the way so many people have garden-tile like floors.
November 30th, 2006
Kerrianne–I love “kempt” too. But Bakersfield, I don’t know. Bro Bro nearly got robbed there at a truck stop last summer, and yeah, it smells like nasta-ay!
November 30th, 2006
wasn’t Pauly Shore from Fresno too? maybe i’m wrong about that. i have a tendency to be wrong aboot things but make an effort to say the things aboot which i’m wrong with such a confidence that people believe me, and if enough people believe me then by american law - doesn’t that make me right in the end?
November 30th, 2006
have you ever seen a fat man in an overcoat?
December 1st, 2006
mmat–have a tendency to be wrong aboot things but make an effort to say the things aboot which i’m wrong with such a confidence that people believe me, and if enough people believe me then by american law - doesn’t that make me right in the end?
Sure, if you ask OJ.
spanky–have you ever seen an overcoat in a fat man? Because that would probably be distrubing, seeing as the only place you could probably put an overcoat “in” is an asscrack.
December 1st, 2006
Huh. My co-worker, who was a newsguy in Fresno, keeps telling me how awful it was there and how bad the air is. But he’s a bit of a snob. Ok, a big snob.
December 1st, 2006
Suebob–Maybe it’s a the-grass-is-always-greener thing? I personally found Fresno to be really pleasant. Of course its pretty suburban, so it’s not like I would like to *live* there. But coming from smoggy-ass Houston, the air in Fres-town was quite delicious.