You’ve heard the wacky rumors, now it’s time for the truth.
Yes, dear hannihaus readers, LA did indeed steal my soul. But I made some quick negotiations with a man in a speedo (AKA Rockstar Brother) and he brought me to the airport.
And now—like Paris Hilton’s herpes outbreak—I’m back! (Feel free to get giddy everyone.)
LA, if you’ve never been, is pretty great. The second largest city in the US, it’s teeming with beautiful people, beautiful beaches, and big, beautiful fake boobs.
Forget about this City of Angels crap. The Los Angeles I know and love could best be described as the City of Titties.
And that alone makes it awesome.
In addition to enjoying the constant sighting of fake-ass funbags, I also got my kicks cruising the strip in Rockstar Brother’s sweet mustang convertible.
With the top down and the wind in our face, we careened through Malibu, Manhattan Beach, Beverly Hills, Santa Monica and Sunset. With seemingly reckless abandon, we did like the locals and cut people off, switched lanes without signaling, and blared obnoxious music emo, nu metal and Bon Jovi as loud as we could.
In most places, this type of behavior would be called “driving like an asshole.” In LA, however, it’s just called driving.
Another thing that’s unique about LA is its high percentage of celebrity inhabitants. Rockstar Brother told me that in six weeks living in LA, he’d yet to see any famous folks. I informed bro bro that the winds of celebrity spotting were a changing—I felt we would see several celebs while I was in town.
I told my brother this because—I must confess—I have psychic abilities…
Plus, I signed up on TVTickets.com to attend a live taping of The King of Queens at Sony Studios in Culver City, CA.
In case you’re wondering, you should be jealous. Not only did I get to see Jerry Stiller do that voodoo that he does so well, I’m going to be famous! Listen for me on the laugh track of The King of Queens episode entitled, “Major Dysfunction.”
…I’ll be the one that sounds like a snorting pig.
And finally, in a segment I’d like to call “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Poom”, I want to tell you about Hollywood eats and entertainment.
No trip to Tinseltown would be complete without a stop at the Hollywood Walk of Fame. While traipsing down Hollywood and Vine I saw Jimmy Hendrix, Chris Farley and Harrison Ford stars’.
It was ‘aight.
Afterwards—hungry from all that fame walking—Rockstar Brother and I decided to get some eats at a place called “Poom Thai Cuisine.”
We picked the place partly because Rockstar Brother had never eaten Thai before, but mostly because “Poom” sounds a lot like “poon.”
And I think poon is funny.
But anyways, LA was awesome.
Many thanks to the ‘Rockstar for putting me up. And many thanks to Tara Reid for having the courtesy *not* to show up at any beaches where I was chillaxing.
For all you voyeurs —-> click here for pics of my escape to LA.<----
so glad to have you back! no more checking your page every day only to be reminded how you smelled the last time you were in orlando…
and king of queens? you are my freaking hero! man that rocks… i love that show, but i honestly didn’t know there were new episodes being made still. it’s hilarious that they film Queens in LA.
Welcome back! Was Blake surprised by your new DD souveniers you brought back with you?
Now you have to get into Rockstar Supernova so you can start cracking on everyone on there with me.
Manuel — Thanks! Actually, Kevin whatever-his-name-is (the guy who plays Doug) was nominated for an emmy this past year actually. So KOQ is not only still on, but its kicking critic-ass in the process! (This is its 9th season. Crazy right?)
ScottyGee — Rockstar Supernova was actually taping in LA while I was there, but my plane got in too late to catch it. D’ah. But yeah boobs … nothing says “I had fun on my summer vacation” like ridiculous-sized implants. The only problem is, now i’m really top heavy, so when i stand up, I fall forward. I’ve got the LA rack maybe I should work on that Oakland booty now to balance me out.
How exciting! I wanna go someday, I do I do.
Love the Paris comment.
Can’t watch King of Queens because the woman who plays the wife is a Scientologist and I’m done with them due to TomKat crappo and am generally eshewing people who believe in aliens. (except the illegal kind.)
marybishop — Can’t stand the Scienschmalogists? You might not want to go to LA after all. They have churches and missionary-type folks handing out cards all over that town! Interestingly enough though, the Scientology capital of the world is in Clearwater only about 1.5 hours from O-town where I je habite.
I didn’t know Leah Remini was a Scientologist. I will tell you this about her though, her character on King of Queens, Carrie is decidedly *less* bitchy and *much more* fun than the real thing. I was telling Manuel this and he said “Well Carrie is really bitchy on the show.” I was like, “My point exactly.”
haha. you said KOQ.