In an article entitled Operation Removes Lightbulb from Anus, doctors report a first-of-kind extraction took place in Pakistan this week.
Anal extraction: bad news for bugs with lights on their butts
Pakistani prisoner, Fateh Mohammad said pain in his lower abdomen sent him to a hospital, where doctors found and removed a lightbulb lodged in his naughty [...]

Some of you may remember, six months ago I made a commitment…
And that commitment was to rock….
So that’s what I do … I rock.
… And sometimes, when I need a break from rocking, I roll—dates that is. I’ve been making super delish raw, vegan date rolls that are like omgziwtfpbbbttt! I mean, I would seriously [...]

I was talking with Fancypants today and we got on the topic of religion. It turns out he was raised in a strict, Lutheran household.
“Growing up,” he told me, “I was always going to church, taking communion, whatever.
“For several years I even took special bible study classes. At the end of them we had to [...]

I’ve got two dads. And they are awesome.
Growing up my dads taught me a lot of things: how to ride a bike, race a snowmobile, catch a salmon, pitch a tent, pull a finger, and pop a wheely.
They taught me that yellow means go faster, and that red—like the kind Mom sees when you’re 15 [...]

So American Idol, Season 5. It came, it went, it gave us Taylor “my pubes look like a genius’s haircut” Hicks (god love him).
Here at the haus, Season 5 gave us something else: a reason to get retarded.
… And that’s exactly what we did.
In January I announced the Randy Jackson What’s Up Dawg Contest. The [...]

I’ve worn many hats in my life. I’ve been a daughter, sister, writer, tutor, advisor, girl scout, first out, Nutrition Nazi, New Age Mama, jackass, sassafrass, weirdo and WILF—(that’s, “Wife I’d Like To F-“), all at various points throughout the years.
Of all these plethora of hats, the one I liked least—the one I don’t talk [...]

So I went to the library today, which is—next to being lodged underneath some sweaty Goth’s cavernous armpit at a My Chemical Romance show—my favorite pastime.
And I know you’re like WTF.
I mean, a writer who likes books? Who woulda thunk it?
Shiiiit son.
But seriously, the library to me is like a strip club to sex fiends.
I [...]

Last night I had a dream. And that alone is pretty impressive, because —while I’m pretty good at daydreaming (about vegan brownies and boys who wear makeup *yum*)—I hardly ever have the kind of dreams that occur in the nighttime.
And when I do, they are often of the nightmare variety.
This is upsetting … mostly because [...]