Today I visited a Web site that had this cool feature called the Rumor Mill. Simple, all you do is type a rumor, click “Send That Shit In!,” and you’re good to go. Once submitted, your rumor will display, along with 29 other untruths, in a continuous, random loop.

Examples of rumors currently circulating include: “Armored maloogars are coming for me,” “You can catch Down’s syndrome from toilet seats,” “Smoking gives you herpes,” and “I have hemorrhoids.”

These rumors are pretty funny, because they’re all obviously untrue…

Well, except for the hemorrhoid one.

I really do have a hemorrhoid. And it’s a real pain in my ass… but I digress.

Because I like playing games, with a shout of “let’s get retarded in here,” into the Rumor Mill, I entered:

I have boobs.

Initially I thought it a winning submission. After all, everybody likes jublees. But then I got to thinking, my rumor really sucked, mostly because I’m a girl. If a dude had posted my rumor, it would’ve been funny, because boys don’t have boobs.

…But there again, apparently, neither do I.

Panicked at the idea of posting something online that isn’t comedy gold, I broke into a cold sweat. Nervous, I grabbed my necklace and gave it a sharp jerk. This caused my head to snap downwards.

Before I knew it, I was staring straight down the front of my low-cut, black Gap t-shirt.

Guess what I saw: boobies. But only the padded kind that come standard with my Wonderbra.

“Hot damn!” I thought, trying to push up the puppies I don’t have, “that is a good rumor after all!”
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Let’s talk trash dear hannihaus readers. Got a rumor? Dish your dirt here.

Posted in Sexiness