Picking Favorites
February 11th, 2006My darling friend Violette called this morning. “Hey girl,” she said “what are you up to?”
“Well Vi,” I replied, “I’m in bed, laid back, chillin’. I’m not feeling so great.”
“What’s wrong?” my friend asked, concern in her voice.
“I have a stomach bug.”
“Oh no! Are you vomiting?”
“No, it’s um, not that kind of stomach bug.”
“Oh… so you have diarrhea?”
“Yeah, hardstyle.”
“Oh man,” Violette said, “diarrhea is your favorite.”
Although the comment was made in jest, this diarrhea-is-my-favorite thing got me to thinking.
First Thought
Diarrhea is *NOT* my favorite. Diarrhea - unless one is partial to the seven-layer burrito at Taco Bell - is *NOBODY’S* favorite.
Indeed there are many things I enjoy more than being hot-to-trot (if you will). For example I really have a thing for:
- organic raisins (yay fiber!)
- boys who wear makeup (yay eyeliner!)
- those little printed messages - today’s being “We can learn from the trees how to exist in ecstacy” - that come attached to Yogi tea bags (yay nonsensical notes!)
… But even as I’m talking about these things that are my “favorites,” another dark thought is bubbling behind my brain.
Second Thought
If you’re into something, you talk it up.
Essentially these talked-up topics could be considered “favorites”, right?
Well, if favorites are tied to the amount of time spent discussing, or blogging about, a particular topic, then actually it could be said that diarrhea *IS* my favorite, that I am madly in love with it, and that, in fact, I want to be it’s baby’s mama.
Third Thought
What the hell is wrong with me?
Fourth Thought
No time to ponder that now. I gotta go!
Til next, dear hannihaus readers, adieu.
Hanni at Hannihaus dot com
hanniluvsu
hannibehr
February 11th, 2006
The ad at the top of this page is for Diarrhea Fast. Naturally stop Dairrhea & IBS. Proven remedy Guaranteed to work! http://www.digestrol.com
That sounds like a bad name. Shouldn’t it be Diarrhea Stop?
February 11th, 2006
Ugh…fast diarrhea. Is there any other kind?
February 11th, 2006
Sometimes it is a pain when someone has known you for a long time. I’ve know you for a long time. Now I know too that people can and do change. It is true, however, that your “anal fascination” has been a source of joy to you, and others, for a very, very long time. Like I told your Mom about gardening I’ll tell you also to go for your bliss. There are many things about you that we all find to be, most of the time, quite endearing even if it may make us weary on occasion. But rest assured, dear ghurl, that we will all persevere to the very end of your diatribe with all it’s digressions about said fascination. Just keep writing till you work it through your system until you get it all out and we will keep reading.
February 12th, 2006
url said “work it through your system”….. HAH!!!!!!!!!
anyways… I feel you with the over-assbundance of visits to the can. In fact today I was thankful that we ate at subway yesterday INSTEAD of Bojangle’s Fried chicken… cause the pissing-out-of-my ass would have been much much worse. *sigh*
Hope you feel better soon, dear!
February 12th, 2006
A) This deserves a squeak… possibly two.
B) When you’re sliding into home and your pants are full of foam… diarrhea… diarrhea.
C) Anybody else interested in a trip to Hershey, PA? I hear they have great tours.
D) I say any gal who is more than willing to speak of her “poo woes” deserves to be loved.
Four in the kooch, fiends!
February 12th, 2006
Oh, and feel better - tell the face I said not to worry… just turn the TV up loud enough to drown it all out.
February 12th, 2006
Gary - Hmmm why do I think the makers of ColonBlow are probably involved with this Diarrhea Fast thing?
Wordgirl - In my experience, yes. It’s *very* fast, in deed.
url - Dad, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one in our family with a “anal fascination.” I seem to remember many-a-Christmas when
youa certain someone would come prancing into the living room - like some sort of demented Santa - in long, red underwear. Santa had a beard though. Your trademark was your butt. Your ceramonious swinging wide of the longjohn’s back flap proved that even on Christmas morning, you could still see the moon.Cze-Johnson Carrie - Yeah I caught url’s little innuendo. Thankfully I didn’t catch the shits from Bojangles. I’ve always been scared to step foot in that place.
Christoph - Hershey, PA. Ha ha. That’s classic. Four in the kooch indeed!
February 12th, 2006
My Dad thinks that poop is my favorite topic of conversation. I usually bring it up AT LEAST daily.
Oh well. Everyone poops, why not talk about it?
February 13th, 2006
Yeah, I remember the old red long johns too. Up until some of you kids got too stuffy about the “exposure” of an upper quadrant of my little posterier I remember some priceless Christmas belly laughs. They were the very best Christmas presents I ever got! Then your Maaa hid those red johns for several years. She said later that she thought you guys were too old for that nonsense. I didn’t think it was as bad as someone waiting until the car was into the automatic car wash before she farted the mother of all farts but then, I digress. But I guess you have come about your fascination naturally. Perhaps that should be nurturaly. BTW, I didn’t get my little inuendo till now. Better late than never. New generation coming up though so those worn old johns may appear again someday.
Erin Let’s face it, farts are funny. Unless you were in the car. The hell with shame about farting and crapping.
February 13th, 2006
Hanni, get better soon, and there’s nothing wrong with being obsessed with poop! Obsess away sistah!
February 13th, 2006
Erin - Hey, Everyone Poops… isn’t that a book? I don’t know if I can get into a book about poo, but I can sure as hell appreciate it’s companion The Gas We Pass: The Story Of Farts.
url - Yeah when mom farted in the car that day it was horrible… hee.
Dima - Obsessing about messin’ - that’s how we do here at the haus.
February 15th, 2006
poor babe! i feel so bad for you!
and yeah, “Everyone Poops” is a book. i remember reading it in like 4th grade. it’s pretty stinkin funny! (forgive the pun)
XOX
February 15th, 2006
violette - LOL @ the pun. It’s funny b/c in real life, you totally use “stinks” in everyday descriptive conversation.