I am – as many of you know – a hardcore Nutrition Nazi. A firm believer in the beauty of complex carbohydrates, I eat multiple pounds of vegetables every day. And just in case I don’t get enough nutrition from the sweet potatoes, swiss chard, squash, and celery, I add some good old fashioned plant pigment – that’s liquid chlorophyll for those who speak hippy – to my Evian
Resultantly, I’m so fiber-rich it isn’t funny (except when getting a rectal exam, of course).
So yeah, because I’m a Nutrition Nazi, I couldn’t resist accompanying my coworkers to the Sweet Tomatoes salad buffet for lunch. If you’ve never been, this place is a regular Shangri-la for Veg Heads like me, because literally 85% of the offerings include garden-fresh greens.
And that pretty much rules, being that roughage rocks my socks (and my buttocks) … but I digress.
Anyway, in addition to some really stellar salads, Sweet Tomatoes also has pasta, soup, fresh baked breads and frozen yogurt. It’s the latter item, the cold confection if you will, that caused the Nutrition Nazi to get a wee bit heated.
It started out innocently enough. Manuel, plopping himself into the booth, held in one hand a homemade sundae. It was beautiful really – A perfect peak of vanilla yogurt was crowned by crunchy, crushed oreos and then drizzled with a ribbon of golden, gooey caramel.
I was cool with the caramel. What got me was the sprinkles. They were freakin green.
“Manuel,” I said, “why do you suppose the sprinkles are green? Saint Patrick’s day is like three months away.”
With a mischievous grin and without missing a beat, my clever coworker said, “The sprinkles are green because they’re healthy.”
And then, because my eyebrows weren’t raised dangerously high enough, he followed up his initial bit of blasphemy with “All green things are healthy.”
…. Um yeah. And Mariah Carey is *not* shoving food in her pie hole any time songs aren’t coming out of it.
Yes it’s true dear hannihaus readers, there are lots of healthy green things, spinach, apples, and split peas, just to name a few. But for every “good” green thing, I can think of a whole slew of others that are not only unhealthy, but are downright nastay.
Let’s take for example:
- gangrenous limbs,
- snot,
- mold,
- and soylent green (it’s people!)
I just want to get something straight here folks. Sprinkles are *not* healthy, even if they are a pleasant shade of pine…. That being said, I will admit there are worse things that you could consume.
The only problem is, I am to sports what Mariah Carey is to moderate eating –completely effing incompetent.
It all started innocently enough. This morning I was surfing the ‘Smack, and as is my custom, I talked some trash in comments. Inspired by a series of













