A Christmas Story Kid Grows Up, Does Porn
November 8th, 2005Someone told me that Ralphie’s friend, Flick (aka Scotty Schwartz), from the classic 1983 film and TBS Superstation 24-7 holiday staple, A Christmas Story, was now making movies for the adult entertainment industry. 
This is sad, but predictable, as there aren’t many venues for washed up child stars these days. Porn is one option, and - for those who are really desperate – VH1 is always looking for has-beens to fill celebreality TV slots…God love you Danny Bonaduce.
So yeah, this got me thinking. What does a former child star, made famous for his role in a movie that so prominently involved a Red Rider bb gun, call his first adult film? I don’t have an answer, but my money’s on “You’ll shoot your eye out with that thing.”
But seriously, let’s talk about who’s to blame for this tragedy. Dear hannihaus readers, should we blame society? How about Hollywood? South Park fans, should we blame Canada?
I don’t know what the answer is, but I happen to think that Flick’s foray into the dark world of ribald filmmaking probably had something to do with that FRA-GEE-LAY (it must be Italian) leg lamp.
But I digress.
Hanni at Hannihaus dot com
hanniluvsu
hannibehr
November 8th, 2005
if you like scotty schwartz in “dirty bob’s xcellent adventures 35″ IMDB recommends “buttman’s british extremely big tit adventure”
more recommendations:
dirty bob’s xcellent adventures 1-34 (series), up your ass 19, and (my favorite) anal intruders 11
these *are* real films…
November 8th, 2005
Smug - This is just creepy.
November 8th, 2005
Have you ever seen the movie “Heaven Help Us”? One of the four main guys in the movie later did porn movies. Apparently, after that movie, he was “Listed as one of twelve “Promising New Actors of 1985″ in John Willis’ Screen World” but somehow later ended up in the gay porn movie industry. His latest movie was in 2002 - Seamen training day.
November 8th, 2005
A Christmas Story is probably my favorite movie. Ever. I have not let these images of porn enter my head when indulging in the holiday treat 36 times this season.
The daughter from Family Matters… the one that was there at the beginning but was suddenly not a part of the family in later seasons…. also went to porn.
Which is better for child stars? Porn or drug addiction? It’s a toss up.
November 8th, 2005
You know, for the longest time I thought that was Kirk Cameron.
November 8th, 2005
Dima - No I’ve never Heaven Help us, or Seamen Training Day for that matter.
Erin - ooh now I have to look up the missing Family Matters girl. You got me on the porn/drug issue. I will say, worse than both those is getting in a fight with Vanilla Ice on the Surreal Life *hack, hack* Emannuel Lewis.
mrtl - Kirk Cameron wouldn’t do porn, because he loves Jesus. He likes him almost as much as I do. I especially like him (our holy lord, not Kirk) when he comes with holiday-themed magnet clothes….
November 8th, 2005
Hänni, I’ve only seen Heaven Help Us (good movie) - no gay porn interests here. Just good old man-woman porn, just like God and the Lord Jesus intended, because I love the word of the Lord, and only believe in man-woman straight sex, and love dressing Jesus in a tutu that also resembles a Christmas Tree, and put the magnet Christmas decorations in inappropriate locations on the tree/Jesus. You know why? Because that’s what Jesus would’ve done!
November 8th, 2005
Actually… it was Gary Coleman who got in the fight with Vanilla Ice on Surreal Life.
I am so ashamed of myself for knowing that.
November 8th, 2005
I worked on a film with Kirk Cameron and he totally reads the bible in between takes. I am not kidding. His wife is gorgeous and they adopted a whole slew of kids of different nationalities. They are almost eerily nice. I didn’t know whether to be touched or freaked out. Fortunately he does not thump that bible.
November 9th, 2005
I am pretty sure Kirk Cameron’s wife in real life is Kate (who ended up being his wife on Growing Pains.)
I know entirely too many useless pop culture facts.
November 9th, 2005
Um. You’re acting like porn is a BAD way to end up. At least he’s working! And it’s less degrading than Breaking Bonaduce.
November 9th, 2005
Dima - on the tutu issue, I totally agree.
Erin - Just when I thought my Surreal Life reference might be too obscure… Gary Coleman, huh? BTW I also think he’s married to Growing Pains wife - see you’re not that alone in your useless trivia.
Von Kranki - That is so cool that you’ve seen the intimate workings for the Kirk Cameron family. Working on movies must be soooo glamorous.
Ern - I’m not saying porn is bad for child stars, and I certainly understand why Scotty did it. If you click the video link on the leg lamp site, he totally is on there at a tradeshow hawking the lamp -now that’s degrading, maybe just as bad as D. Bonaduce.
November 9th, 2005
You know DJ from Full House, she’s Kirk Cameron’s sister - in case we were having a useless trivia competition!