On The Drive Home
November 6th, 2005“No farting in the Jeep” Angel says as he wrinkles his nose in disgust and rolls down the windows.
“I’m sorry but we’ve just eaten at Diarrhea Golden Corral and I can’t help it,” I say, (knowing full well I can, but find my anal acoustics more amusing.)
He says, (with deeply furrowed brow), “Seriously, don’t do it. No farting on the leather seats.”
I say, (slightly taken aback, and intrigued by the idea of despoiling factory leather via ass blast), “Erm, k…”
He says, (self righteously), “I don’t ever fart in the Jeep.”
I say, (incredulously), “Yeah right!”
He says, (with all the conviction of an ardent televangelist) “No really. I only crack one off in emergency situations and you should do likewise.”
At that moment I:
A) Wished I had one more colonic calliope to bequeath my darling husband – one more telegraph from Ft. A-hole to Cmdr. Nostril, if you will.
B) Realized I am married to someone who is, in his own special way, just as insane as I am.
And now, dear hannihaus readers, in the spirit of fun and flatulence, answer me this: A sphincter says what?
Hanni at Hannihaus dot com
hanniluvsu
hannibehr
November 6th, 2005
Oh my gawd! Are you sure we didn’t go to college together? I haven’t heard that in forever. Tell me you love SouthPark and Beevis and Butthead, too.
Perhaps you should start calling angel “the rear admiral”…
Stay stinky.
November 6th, 2005
Is he serious? That is so funny! Rear Admiral indeed!
November 6th, 2005
You’re such a nut! Wish you’d called me back today! ;(
November 7th, 2005
Anyone who has ever been in a room with you when you let one off, did, does, and forever will, wish that you lit if off instead! Just as some flowers have a much more potent perfume than other flowers, the same is true of people. Not all flowers are as pleasing to my own tender nostrils as others, such as paperwhites. My Darlin’, you are as the paperwhite compared to the rose. While both are beautiful most people prefer the smell of the rose in an enclosed area. There can be no doubt that your’s are the most concentrated and potent farts in this universe, bar none. But then, Angelface most likely had it coming to him anyway.
November 7th, 2005
Stampydurst - Who doesn’t love southpark and beevis and butthead?
mrtl - yes, he was 100% serious. That’s why I thought it was funny.
sophie k - honey i *did* call you back. Check your phone msgs please
url - What can i say daddy-o? We’ve all got our gifts. I can clear a room, but you can fart on command - now *that* takes talent.
November 7th, 2005
A sphincter says “Hello. Very nice to meet you. I’d shake your hand, but well, you probably wouldn’t like it.”
November 7th, 2005
ScottyGee - All i can say is … ewww!
November 7th, 2005
That is too wonderful.
November 7th, 2005
Actually, your sister is the one who can fart on command. I’m the one gifted with longevity and mutliplicity. If only these lips were were more articulate I could “utter” the alphabet with them. If Grumpa read this he would probably have an anxiety attack. I do love that you give your self the freedom to be real. As for never farting on leather I am reminded of that tired old cliche’ that “says do as I say, not as I do.” Them leather seats been farted on aplenty already.
November 7th, 2005
I’m the biggest fartophobe. I don’t like doing it, and I don’t like when other people do it. I also do not know how to react to it. When others do it, I want to laugh till I pass out, when I do it, I want to cry till I pass out.
My graduate advisor once let one out during a research group meeting, and we pretended that we didn’t notice. Later, I had to tell someone, and I was crying from laughing so hard when I told my roommate.
In conclusion, I will have to take Angel’s side on this one. Farting, bad!
November 7th, 2005
Dima… embrace the fart. Farting isn’t bad… it’s a part of life… like breathing. In all actuality, it’s essentially a big exhale. You already think they are funny… because… well… they ARE. So go ahead… let one rip. Don’t cry, it will be ok.
November 8th, 2005
But farting is sooo much better on leather seats. More rich and robust. What a shame.
November 11th, 2005
My sister had a roommate who would punch the air every time she farted. Like a victory punch. Victory over what, I’m not sure. My sister had to work HARD not to pick up that habit, and she would find herself doing it occasionally.
November 14th, 2005
Like my human resources teacher used to always preach: “if you can’t laugh at a fart, THEN SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU!”