Sugar Shock
October 19th, 2005I really wanted to keep quiet about this, but I just can’t. You see, the words won’t fit in my mouth. Even though yesterday I kind of said it was okay, I can not, in any circumstances, condone soda drinking.
Drink martinis if you must, but for God’s sakes, stay away from the mother loving soft drinks.
They will rot your teeth.
They will make you fat.
They will dance the flamenco on your kidneys, and flood your veins with saccharine swamp gas. (And let’s face it, folks, if you’re anything like me, you don’t need the extra gas. You can only exclaim “thar she blows!” whilst emitting noxious broccoli fumes but so many times a day.)
And I know I’ve got some naysayers reading this right now. Faithful members of the Church of Coca Cola, you think that no matter what I say, you won’t quit drinking the ‘Pibb. You, dear die-hard Tab fan, you think I can not covert you to my Nutrition Nazi ways.
Well open up baby birds, because I’m about to deliver a nice, juicy worm:
Erm, okay so baseballs don’t contain sugar, but like seriously, look at the freakin picture. One tasty little beverage contains a shit load of sugar!
And by the way, unlike Tara Reid’s boobs, this is real. The picture are looking at was taken by a friend of a friend who is a pharmacist, and by virtue of her profession, knows how to do uber cool things like extract chemicals from cola.
Oh and if that’s not enough to keep you off the hooch, well the fact that you could lose your eye sight, well you should take that into consideration. You see, loss of vision has been linked to diabetes, which of course, is linked to excessive sugar consumption.
What that means is, just like masturbation or Viagra usage, if you partake too much in the sweet stuff, well, you might just go blind.
But I digress.
Hanni at Hannihaus dot com
hanniluvsu
hannibehr
October 19th, 2005
You can take away my pop, but please OH PLEASE don’t take away masturbation!!
October 19th, 2005
I’m with you, Hausfrau…the only soda I drink is club soda. And, there ain’t nothin’ in club soda but…well…water and bubbles.
I’ll take that martini now.
October 20th, 2005
That’s what she said…
October 20th, 2005
I’ll keep doing both , thank you very much! Sugar highs and self gratification are all I have in life! Hehehee.
October 20th, 2005
Hanni, I need your help. Do you offer nutritional advice? I’m dead serious.
October 20th, 2005
Erin - Masturbate if you must.
Miss Marisol - My drink of choice, and i’ve said this before , is Evian with chlorophyll, and there aint nothing in that but the finest european water and some gool old fashioned blue green algae deliciousness. Huzzah.
Manuel - Yes, that *is* what she said.
ScottyGee - I hope you can still read this blog once you’ve gone blind from all your self indulgence.
Dima - I am all about nutrition. Seriously. I read books like a mo-fo and even attend classes every once a while. The last class I went to was about bio-energy(like who spends their free time learning about the healthful chemical and spiritual interactions betwixt head and heart?) and my current nutrition book is about balancing omega3 and omega6 fats - most people don’t even know the diff between the two.
Seeking advice? Just call me Ann Landers.
October 20th, 2005
Scotty, not only will you go blind from that, but every time you do it, a kitten dies, just remember that. Think of ALL the kittens Scotty!
Hanni, I mean, Ann, I am so emailing you!
October 20th, 2005
I’m sorry Babycakes, I gots to have my triple shot caramel latte at least twice a week. I know it’s terrible, but I NEED IT. Same goes for my obsession with cherry vanilla dr. pecker. Sooo Goooood. ;D
October 20th, 2005
I wholly agree but cannot comply. This is the story of my life. Knowing better, but not doing better. Sort of like compulsive implosion with a shit eating grin on my face.
I love sugar and fat and carbs and cholesterol. I crave it all. The only thing I like that’s good for me is excercise, education, sleep and love. Go figger.
If you’re up for some positive reinforcement, why not tell us what is good for sipping, eh? And don’t say water. It’s mouth-flavored. eckkkk.
October 20th, 2005
Dima - looking forward to annoying you with extensive talks of nutrition.
Amanda B - I understand the need for sweets. You see, I’ve not always been health-conscious. I used to have a real thing for Cinnabon Carmelattas (sp) and those little sweet breadstick things. I have eaten a dozen cookies in one sitting on *multiple* occassions, and pretty much spent the last three months of my highschool senior year eating only crackers and peach sorbet from Baskin Robbins.
About a year ago, on a whim I decided to see an ND for some weird problems I’d been suffering. The ND put me on a reduction diet, and we discovered I’m allergic to wheat, and that dairy isn’t so great for me either. Since I was cutting out wheat and dairy, I had to fill that gap with lots of fruits and veggies. It was a pretty natural evolution to quit sugar too, being that it’s mostly in wheat (read: cookies) and icecream (read: dairy) anyway.
Don’t get me wrong. I cheat all the time, but in the times when I adhere more strictly, I feel so fantastic, that it makes missing out on those Carmalattas worth it.
Laurenbove - Okay, so yeah, I hate being the negative girl, so good call on the positive reinforcement. This one’s easy. If you love the taste of soda, but don’t want all those chemicals and sugar flooding your veins, well just do like the Europeans….
Mix carbonated seltzer water with your choice of juice. A good, refreshing (and very healthful) combo is black cherry and apple.
October 21st, 2005
Most juice has high fructose corn syrup in it as well. I’m just saying…
The only really healthy thing to drink is water. Oh, fruits are high in sugar too.
We are all going to die. You might as well spend your days eating tasty treats! Eat all the Baskin Robbins you want. =)
I am honestly pretty healhty in my eating. I eat some junk, but I was vegetarian for about 4-5 years. I also do not eat red meat and most of my drinks are water and juice. I try to avoid fried food too. I am closer to vegetarian than anything. If it just wasn’t for chicken. That succulent bird. Mmmmm….
October 21st, 2005
ScottyGee - Okay maybe I should’ve clarified, if you’re going to drink juice (which I really don’t because I *do* like water), I would recommend the juice you buy in glass jars in the organic section. This juice is 100% juice - no corn syrup. Admittedly though, any juice you buy at the store will have been pasturized and thus the sugar content will be higher than what you’d get in nature, due to the processing.
And yes, we are all going to die, but I’d like to go out tap dancing, or maybe whilst crowd surfing at a My Chemical Romance Show. You can’t hardly crowd surf if you’re all old and decrepit. Thus, my obsession with fresh produce - for the sake of Gerard - I must adhere to it.
And i’m not vegetarian… I do eat meat, just hormone free. I *do not*, however, eat chicken. Tastes like BLECH.
October 21st, 2005
That’s one of my favorite things about Europe, almost anything you get there in produce or at the butcher’s is organic. The fruits taste amazing. Also, a lot of the junk food and pop is a lot more expensive, so it’s easy to stay away from those. I drink a lot less pop now, after living there for half of this past summer.
Where do you get hormone-free meat from? I don’t think it’s possible to get chicken that is hormone-free within a 100 mile radius from Chicago. I think with red meat, it may be easier to find, but I don’t like red meat, much.
October 22nd, 2005
Dima - Instead of looking for “hormone free” chicken, try looking for “Free range”. For some reason hormone free chicken is often called “Free range”, while hormone free beef is called “hormone free.” I don’t get it.
If you can’t buy free range or hormone free meat at your grocery store, you can try more specialty type stores. There are at least two Trader Joe’s in Chicago. There are three Whole Foods Markets, and there’s probably a Wild Oats market too. Also, the Super Target in my area sells the hormone free beef… I don’t know about chicken (as I don’t eat it), but they probably do.
I imagine, as Chicago is a huge metro area, it’s easier to find free range chicken than you’d think!
October 22nd, 2005
Makes sense. I don’t think I ever went by the meat department at Trader Joe’s. Next time. Thanks Hanni! You’re the best
October 22nd, 2005
Dima - I aim to please
November 6th, 2005
OWW my teeth hurt… but this explains my fascination-addiction with soda. I, however inadvertantly, live for refined sugar.
My sister switched to diet, but I don’t know if this is the place for my rant against poisons, I mean artificial sweets and drinks